So, he cheated on you. Now you are wondering whether he will change.
According to a major study which was conducted in North America and Europe, some people can change, whereas others can’t change (and never will). Also, some behaviors can be changed, but other behaviors can’t be changed at all. Now please let me explain.
Who can change and who can’t change?
When an unfaithful husband is cheating on his wife, oftentimes his wife would focus on the result: “He cheated on me!” But truthfully, this is only the result of something more important – you must find out why he did that in the first place.
In other words, his motivation tells you much more than his action.
I’m going to analyze the situation in this way:
- If he cheated on you because he is so hot that another woman finds him irresistible and seduced him, then he is very likely to stop cheating and change, especially when he feels guilty.
In this scenario, he cheated simply because he can’t resist the temptation when another woman is trying to sleep with him, not because he proactively looked for another honeypot. In reality, when a woman wants to give a man sexy treats, is he going to say no?
Chances are he will say “of course” – just like what most men would say in that case.
G. L. Lambert famously said, “Most men crack when they are placed in a room full of hos, no matter how in love they are with that woman at home.”
- However, if he cheated on you because he was proactively looking for an affair, that means nine times out of ten, he will not change – that’s just who he really is.
Basically, if you have a cheating husband, it indicates a lack of discipline in him as well as a lack of excitement in your marriage.
What behavior can be changed and what behavior can’t be changed?
Yes, a disloyal husband may decide to end his affair, so this behavior can be changed.
But every guy has a wandering eye. It’s impossible for men to stop having sexual thoughts about women – that is just human nature; it’s nobody’s fault.
That is to say, no matter how much your husband loves you, he still looks at other women and admire – if he respects you, he would do this when you are not around.
Looking at other women is not cheating and this behavior can’t be changed because it’s controlled by his hormones.
Trust after cheating: can you realistically trust your unfaithful husband again?
Let’s keep it real – women rarely leave their man after the first time he cheats because the promise never to do it again oftentimes leads to a second chance.
Before I answer that million-dollar question about whether you can trust your cheating husband again, I have to let you know that it’s not enough for him to apologize and then you decide whether you can trust him or not…
… you must face your fear and find out exactly why he ran off.
What was it really about this woman on the side that made him step out and risk ruining his marriage?
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The real difference between a betrayed husband and a betrayed wife may shock you: When a woman cheats on her husband and he finds it out, he will even want to know what position she did it with that man, for how long, and whether she came or not.
This probably sounds strange, yet the competitive nature in a man demands that he finds out how to better himself and outdo any other guy!
In contrast, a betrayed wife usually blacks it out, pretends as if the affair never happened, and then buries it so that she will not break down mentally and emotionally over the fact that she wasn’t good enough for some reason.
As a realist, my suggestion is: stop burying your head in the sand; you must face the issue directly.
- Who was that woman?
- How did your disloyal husband meet her?
- What did he like most about that woman?
Finding out the answers to these questions might not stop him from cheating on you again; nevertheless, it will definitely help you notice the signs that he is going to cheat again even before he knows he is about to repeat the same mistake.
Know your husband’s type and pattern. Never be naïve and assume that you’re the only one he is looking at and admiring.
Before you decide whether you should trust him again or not, please measure the pain against the joy you get from your marriage, i.e. risk VS reward. You would be well-advised to weigh the pros and cons of this marriage before deciding whether your unfaithful husband is worth a second chance.
Trust after cheating shouldn’t come easily.
Every marriage has challenges. Nonetheless, if you spend more time weeping than laughing, you already know that you would be ill-advised to trust him again.
Honestly, there is no secret method of keeping a husband from cheating.
Therefore, what you can do is to maintain a high-quality marriage, e.g…
… improving the quality of intimacy in the bedroom
… having exciting experiences together
… and supporting him emotionally when he needs to express himself.
That’s all you can do.
In fact, a lot of men feel very guilty after their wives find out about their affairs, so their guilt can discipline them in the future. As a result, these men can be realistically trusted once more.
According to a professional therapist in New York City, many marriages become almost perfect after a disloyal husbands’ affairs because the husbands’ guilt is a huge motivator – I know this sounds a bit weird, but this is more common than you think.
Having said that, if you’ve tried all of the above-mentioned strategies already and he cheats on you again, you cannot trust him anymore. I repeat: you cannot trust him anymore.
1 thought on “Can he Change? Can You Realistically Trust Your Unfaithful Husband Again?”
Thanks for posting the great article. Learning to trust your cheating husband again after infidelity must be a personal and honest decision. You can’t allow exterior pressures or circumstances within the relationship to influence your decision to remain or leave. If you’re uncertain that you can return to a place that permits trust and love, you should not move forward until you are certain.