The decision to reconcile or divorce after your wife cheats on you is a complex one. Everyone has to make their own decisions as to whether that involves continuing in the marriage or getting a divorce.
If you recently found out about her affair, it’s important to not make any hasty decisions right away. Why? Because it just takes time to think through all the issues and get enough clarity to make a good decision. While your emotions are at such a fever pitch, it’s very difficult to think straight enough to make such an important decision that is going to affect the rest of your life.
Even though you cannot predict or see into the future, there are certain signs that can serve as your guide to help you reach the right decision.
Here are some things to think about:
- Is your marriage worth saving?
- Is the affair over, dead, kaput?
- Is your wayward wife truly remorseful and willing to help you heal?
- Is she willing to help you carry the burden?
- Is she willing to do the work needed to try and repair the damage caused by her affair?
- Is she willing to answer all your questions and talk about it for as long as it takes?
- Are you willing to forgive her for it?
- Do both of you have the willingness and the desire to build a better marriage based on honest communication?
Aside from the emotional aspect, there are certain practical factors (kids, finances) that need to be considered in deciding whether to stay or go.
Understand that whatever decision you make will involve tradeoffs. Deciding to stay has its benefits and its drawbacks as well. On the one hand, you and your wife can heal and create a better marriage than you had before.
But, you have to go through a lot of pain to get there. Both of you have to put your soul into it. You have to put in the time. And do all of the hard work that is necessary to surviving her affair.
Either decision will have a long-term impact on many aspects of your life. So when deciding to stay or go, assess the situation not just from the present standpoint but for the future as well. This is not an easy decision to make. And while there are no guarantees, a carefully thought out consideration of all the factors involved will allow you to make the best decision and lead you take the necessary steps to move on.
If you decide to give your wife another chance, then your next step will be working to improve the marriage. Or if you decide to leave, then of course you’ll take the necessary steps to end the marriage.
Any decision you make will involve some risk and uncertainty. So it’s crucial not to be too hasty in making any particular decision. Do take lots of time and energy to carefully consider all the issues at hand before making your final decision.
The potential for being able to work through your wife’s affair is there if both of you decide to work on it, in spite of what happened in the past.