“You CAN save your marriage starting today even if you are the ONLY One interested?” That’s the bold promise made by Dr. Lee H. Baucom. Everywhere people are desperately seeking solutions to their marriage problems; they need help badly. Certainly there is no shortage of marriage help books and advice, but not all of the advice works. So what makes this program different? My thorough and in-depth Save the Marriage review can help you make a confident choice and be extremely satisfied with your decision.
If someone asks the question: “how to save my marriage when I’m the only one who wants to,” I would say that’s not possible. Dr. Baucom says this a myth and you can start to save your marriage by yourself and that is the promise of his flagship program, Save the Marriage.
What I zeroed in on is that one person can begin the process to save the marriage, but at some point the other spouse has to hop on board.
Dr. Baucom certainly has the credentials to make such a bold promise. He is a trained therapist, but he has abandoned the old school way of doing things when he found a better way to help his clients. He has put his twenty years of experience into this program and it has been tested and perfected over the years. He knows what it takes to save a marriage in crisis.
What is the Save the Marriage System?
I routinely review products that can potentially help my audience. Some I feel are excellent resources – and some miss the mark completely. I asked Dr. Baucom for a copy of his course so that I could review it for you, and he sent me one. Usually, this is indicative of someone who truly believes in the value of what they sell, so it’s a good sign.
Before I get into the review, let me start by saying that I do not know Dr. Baucom personally, we have never met nor spoken with each other. However, I do read his blog and I find that he provides solid, actionable advice.
In this review I’m going to review the Core Program, but I’ll touch briefly on the Quick Start Guide and the Down-N-Dirty Guide.
What is included in the Save the Marriage System by Dr. Lee H. Baucom
The program is broken down into four modules:
1) Save The Marriage Core Program
2) The ‘Top Five Things NOT To Do When Your Partner Wants Out’ Report
3) Quick-Start Guide To Saving Your Marriage
4) Down-N-Dirty Guide To Saving Your Marriage
In addition to the above you’ll also get the following bonus items:
- Coping With A MidLife Marriage Crisis (audio)
- Recovering From An Affair (audio)
- 5 Rules For Fair Fighting Report
- Change Of Heart ebook
Ok, let’s get right into the meat of the system which is the Save the Marriage guide. It’s 159 pages broken down into 17 Chapters.
In this chapter Dr. Baucom shares the reasons why old school couple therapy does not work most of the time and he cites statistics to prove his point, plus he used to practice this type of therapy before he found a better way.
I’m reading this chapter and saying to myself, yep that is so true. A friend of mine and her husband were having a lot of problems, so they decided to try marriage counseling, but it wasn’t working for them because all they seemed to do during the sessions was argue and shout at each other. It did not help them one bit.
This chapter right off the bat tells you what all successful marriages have in common, and that is their relationship has escaped the You/Me Trap and moved to “WE.” You’ll also learn what “WE” is and also about the kinds of behavior that undermines “WE.”
Power struggles and destructive patterns of behavior that couples fall into during the course of their relationship is also covered here. He shares some great examples of these patterns in action, so you can analyze your own relationship to see if it fits any of these patterns.
One point that stood out to me is that: “Couples do no consciously decide to get into a pattern… it just emerges over time, often little by little. However, “deciding to change the relationship IS a conscious decision.”
At the end of the chapter, there some exercises for you to do. The questions here are not fluff or simplistic, but they are designed to really get you thinking about what’s going on now in your relationship in the light of what you just learned.
There are three ingredients of a successful marriage, do you know what they are? If you don’t you’ll soon find out in Chapter three. Let me tell you, it’s not what you think. For one thing it has nothing to do with “communication techniques” in the traditional sense.
The first ingredient I’m aware of but never thought about it in the context of a marital relationship. But it makes a lot of sense to me now that I see how it can be used to improve the marriage.
I’ll give you a hint; the second ingredient has to do with communication. Be prepared to throw out all your old ideas about what it is and how it should work in a relationship.
The final ingredient is a new concept to me and probably will be to you too. It has to do with the way you and your spouse act toward each other and move your relationship to “WE.” There’s that word again, you’ll find it used throughout this guide. It’s brilliant.
This is a deep chapter, I had to read it twice to really get it.
Again there are some questions and exercises for you to do at the end of the chapter that will reinforce the principles taught.
Do you know what the North Star is? Back in the old days before GPS was invented, sailors used the skies for navigation. Locating the North Star helped the sailor find his way.
So what does this have to do with marriage. Every relationship has a North Star. This chapter goes into detail about what a relationship North Star is, what it can and cannot do and gives some examples of true and false North Stars (yes there are some false ones).
I do like how he uses the nautical illustration to get this point across, it’s very apropos for this topic.
In this chapter you are going to learn about the three strategies of a successful marriage. The first strategy goes against the grain, but after it is explained I can see how implementing it can have a positive effect on the relationship.
The second strategy borrows a concept from Geometry. It is what brought the couple together in the first place, but they often lose sight of it as the years go by.
The third strategy has to do with making decisions and how most couples approach decision making the wrong way. You’ll learn the best way to make decisions that will minimize the stress in your relationship.
This chapter is all about changing the momentum of your relationship, that is to get it moving upwards. Now there are two ways you can do that, which you’ll read about. Dr. Baucom shares an experience of one of his clients here, which I found very helpful as it shows you how momentum works in the real world and is not just an abstract theory.
This chapter takes the stand that love should be linked to action and not emotion. For instance, a marriage may get to the point where one of the parties questions whether they still love the other spouse. But this should not be the focus, instead the party feeling this way should begin treating the spouse as if they do love them (actions).
This is contrary to what most people do when they think they have lost that loving feeling.
When you feel like your emotions have escaped, this chapter gives you some specific things you can do to regain those lost emotions.
This chapter is all about what happens when your emotions are not what they should be. For example, instead of love being shown, there is anger. Interestingly, the point is made that anger is not the primary emotion, so when anger is displayed, you need to identify the primary emotion and not react to the anger.
This is an interesting supposition as most people including myself will react to the anger without digging deeper. This idea is something a couple would have to really work hard on.
Paradigms. What comes to mind when you hear that word? How does it affect a relationship? Did you know we all have paradigms? Yes, according to this chapter, three different layers, which you can learn about and note what effect it has on the marriage.
Any couple who has survived infidelity, know how important it is to establish boundaries after the affair is over and done with. This chapter covers personal as well as relationship boundaries. Here you’ll learn not only why you should, but also how to set boundaries.
There is a great exercise for you to do at the end of the chapter.
Look at this chapter as sort of a “best practices” for your marriage. He gives you three of these practices that you can nurture and develop in your relationship.
Actively practicing these principles will not only benefit your marriage but your interaction with others outside of your relationship as well.
The stages of intimacy, do you know what they are? I didn’t until I read this chapter. Each stage is broken down for you and you get actionable steps and strategies to navigate each phase. This is another deep chapter that I had to read twice to fully digest it.
I tell you, this guide is full of concepts that are new to me. Take for instance this chapter, it has to do with mood relating. When I first saw that title, I though what is mood relating? In a nutshell, it’s how you relate to your spouse. You can relate from low mood or high mood, with the latter being the better option.
This chapter shows why living in the past is a barrier to change. It also cautions about living in the future. While you do need to plan for your future, you should not stay there. The whole point of this chapter is that you want to live in the present moment.
This chapter deals with the 3-letter word and how its moves the couple toward or away from WE. “Sex can be a source of intimacy or its demon.” Very profound, don’t you agree? So the goal of this section is to help the couple discover a sexual relationship that is fulfilling to both of them.
Money, another area of contention in a marriage. There’s the conventional ways a couple deals with money issues, but this chapter presents an alternative way for you to try. There is also a very detailed exercise for you to do at the end of the chapter.
The end of the road, yep the last chapter. This chapter is appropriately titled: “Don’t Just Grow; Evolve!” Dr. Baucom challenges you to not just grow, but evolve. He says: “Growth is developmental, but evolution is a leap.” This is a very profound idea.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around some of the new concepts and strategies that I read about in the previous chapters.
I’m going to touch briefly on the other two modules now.
Down-N-Dirty Guide to Winning Your Spouse Back
Got to love that title! This report is short, only 17 pages and it’s in a question and answer format. If you have a specific question you can go here to see if it’s listed, but really going through all the questions and answers will be helpful to you.
Quick-Start Guide To Saving Your Marriage
This report is a little longer, 30 pages to be exact. It gives you the stages of relationship problems and tells you what to do for each stage. What you need to do here is first identify the current stage of your relationship and follow the solution provided. Some of the solutions are very short while others are more involved but you are guided step-by-step along the way.
What I like about the Lee Baucom Save the Marriage Program
While going through the modules in the Save the Marriage program, the one thing that stood out to me is that this is NOT the same type of rehashed information that you can get for free or even pay for on the Internet.
The illustrations that he uses throughout helps you to visually grasp the concept that he is explaining. I like the analogies that are present, it helps to get his point across. The one that stood out for me was in Chapter four about the Northstar of your relationship. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.
The information is not dry or academic, it is well-written and easy to understand. I learned some new words and concepts. This is one of the best marriage help books you’ll find. Dr. Lee Baucom takes a totally different approach to saving a marriage from divorce. It is not the usual run of the mill advice. I had the easy part, all I had to do was read everything, but you dear reader have a lot of work to do and choices to make.
We all know that no product is perfect, so what didn’t I like about this system? Well I would have liked to see a section in the main guide dealing with infidelity. I only say this from the perspective that my blog is about infidelity. However, one of the bonus audio products do cover this topic.
Also, while I was going through the guide, I kept thinking it would be great if the exercises at the end of the chapter were in a separate workbook. This is not a real obstacle because you can always print them out, which is what you were going to do anyway.
Who is this System Not For?
I’ve gone through the entire program except for the first module and I can tell you with all honesty this is not the type of program that you read just once and put it down. I had to read some chapters twice to really get it. It took me several hours to go through the main guide alone and that’s just reading it!
So if you are going to invest in this product make sure that you are willing to commit time and effort to not only reading it but religiously doing the exercises at the end of most of the chapters. The other thing is that you must be willing to make whatever changes are necessary based on what you are learning.
If putting in the time and effort is not something you can commit to or you are looking for an overnight cure for your marital problems, it’s best to put your credit card back in your wallet because this program is not going to help you.
What Do Real People Say About Save the Marriage by Lee Baucom?
I don’t know about you, but before I buy certain items I like to see what other people have to say about it. So I’m including here a few quotes from satisfied customers. It helps to know that if others can save their marriages, there is a good chance you can do the same.
“My relationship is much better…”
“For the record… let me just say that your guide is the most sensible, real, self help book of any kind that I have ever read… These things that you talk about in your book are real, so simple—THEY JUST MAKE SENSE…My relationship with my husband has gotten so much better !! thank you, thank you thank you” -Robin R.(Testimony from company website)
“I am amazed…a whole new outlook…”
“I sat and read your modules last night. I read from about 7pm to 12am. I am amazed! After reading, I have a whole new outlook on our marriage. After reading, I am prepared to make the necessary changes and shifts in order to have the marriage I’ve always wanted.” -Mary Beth M.(Testimony from company website)
“A dramatic turn around!”
“What a dramatic turn around! Our relationship is 180 degrees reversed and moving in the RIGHT direction! Thank you so much!” -Nancy T. (Testimony from company website)
At the time of this writing, the entire Save the Marriage System is just $47. That’s a steal considering all you’re getting – the four modules plus the four bonuses. In my opinion it is a very small price to pay for help that can save a marriage from divorce or give new life to an already ailing marriage.
Divorce costs a whole lot more. Even if you decided to stay in an unhappy marriage rather than get divorced, it’ll still cost you emotionally and physically. Because the constant stress and conflict of living in a such an environment is bound to take its toll on you.
What Else Should You Know About the Save the Marriage System?
Some of the concepts taught may be new to you or contrary to beliefs you hold dear. But while implementing some of these strategies maybe uncomfortable for you especially in the beginning, don’t let that stop you from creating the relationship of your dreams. It’s a small price to pay to transform your marriage from failing to successful.
Does This Really Work?
That’s the million dollar question. With the divorce rate being so high, I’m sure you’ll agree that not all marriages can be saved for one reason or the other, but I bet you that some of them that ended could have been saved if the couple had only tried a little harder and got some expert help.
If your marriage is in serious trouble, this program can show you the way. But you’ll get out of it what you put in. If you buy the program and do nothing, or just read it and don’t implement the suggestions, then it is not going to work for you.
Dr. Baucom’s clients have achieved an 89.7% success rate, compare that to traditional marriage counseling with only a dismal 20% success rate. Besides, his program is far less expensive than counseling and you don’t have to make any appointments or drive anywhere. Just download the program – even if it’s 2 AM, and get started right away.
It most likely took years to get your marriage to the state it’s in right now, so don’t expect it to be magically transformed overnight, change takes time. But by making the needed changes you will start to see progress. It might be small, but it is still progress and every little step is taking you toward the relationship of your dreams. The Save the Marriage system can get you there and a lot faster than you doing it on you own.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free to review it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I’ve either used personally or believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”