How to Restore Trust in a Relationship Again After he Cheated on You


restore trust in a relationship

You want to find a way to trust him again, but giving that trust back is proving to be very hard.

How can you give your heart over to him again after you’ve been hurt so baldly?


And what if he betrays you again?


Restoring trust in a relationship after infidelity has torn it apart is an uphill battle. Trust is not blind faith, it is something that has to be earned over time. But once that trust is broken or destroyed, it must be earned back once again.


As impossible as it seems, broken trust can be repaired in most cases.


Nevertheless, it’s a hard choice to make; allowing yourself to trust your former cheating spouse again. And even though the two of you are making good progress in trying to work things out, there’s that part of you that’s holding back. It’s always sitting in the back of your mind making you wonder where he was, who he was with or who he was talking to.


Rebuilding the trust after infidelity is arguable the most difficult hurdle to overcome when you’re dealing with and recovering from a spouse’s affair.


But is it still possible to have trust in your husband despite the fact that he cheated on you? Yes, absolutely. But it takes time. For the simple reason that it takes time for people to change well-ingrained habits. And for many cheaters, lying about their affair has become a habit that must be broken.


Repairing the trust is not rocket science, neither is it a walk in the park. But it can be done. Patience is key if you’re serious about reconnecting and rebuilding trust with your husband.


According to The Monogamy Myth:


The way to rebuild trust is not by making a promise of monogamy, but by making a commitment to honesty. There’s a tendency to think of honesty only as telling something that was previously kept secret. But the main power of honesty is in sharing feelings.


When a couple share their deepest feelings about ever thing, including the “scary” stuff (like attractions to other people or fears of their partner having an affair), they develop a deeper understanding of each other.


Many people think that talking about such emotional issues will inevitably cause problems. But it’s far more likely that it will lead to a closer relationship because of the comfort involved in feeling you will be told the truth about anything that comes up.


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What needs to be in place to regain trust in a relationship after cheating?


Rebuilding broken trust after your husband’s affair hinges on these two things:


1. Your wayward spouse must behave in a trustworthy manner going forward

2. And you must choose to trust him again, consistently


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How to Survive an Affair


Let’s take a closer look at what’s involved with each partner’s role.


Your Disloyal Husband’s Role in Rebuilding the Trust


He must practice absolute trustworthiness at all times. When he cheated on you, he forfeited all rights to any deception. For instance, if he tells you he is going to the grocery store to buy beer but ends up going somewhere else instead, that does not demonstrate his trustworthiness. No lies are acceptable going forward post-affair, regardless of how seemingly insignificant the lie is. Lies destroy trust.


Since infidelity is characterized by deception and lies, if your husband wants you to trust him again, he has to adopt and commit to complete truthfulness in all aspects of his life. Because any lie will take you back to the biggest lie and undermine all your efforts in rebuilding the trust. Being trustworthy is not only about not telling lies, it also involves being accountable and transparent.


Being accountable and transparent means better and more frequent communication with you regarding his whereabouts. It also involves making his computer, cell phone and email more accessible and less secretive.


Here are some key things your husband needs to do to help you to trust him again:

  • answering all your questions
  • hanging in through the inevitable emotional upheaval
  • severing all contact with the paramour
  • be willing to be open and transparent with you
  • be willing to go to counseling with you if you feel you need professional help
  • accepting the fact that it is going to take you a long time to trust him again
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Doing these things usually indicate a willingness to earn back some of the trust that has been broken.You need to see that your husband is making the effort to be trust-worthy again by being open and transparent about his actions.


Your Role in Rebuilding the Trust


Choosing to trust again is the only alternative if you want your marriage to survive and ultimately thrive after the affair. The feelings of trust that you had for your husband before the affair will not come back for a long time. And there probably will always be some part of you that holds back to some degree to make you feel safe.


You have to make a conscious decision to trust him again. You have to commit to trust him over and over again, and do so on a fairly regular basis, perhaps daily or even hourly. There are going to be times when doubts creep in and feelings of not trusting him become overwhelming.


What can you do? At such times you can use an affirmation to overcome the doubts: For instance you can say: “I’m choosing to trust my husband again.” Repeating this will get you over that hurdle and put you back on track. It will it take the concerted and active efforts of both of you to successfully restore the broken trust.


Remember that trust is not something you bestow on someone, that’s called blind trust. They have to earn it. It’s important to also realize that rebuilding trust doesn’t happen overnight, so do try to be as patient as possible. Because you need to allow your husband enough time to show you he can be trustworthy again.

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A Different Way of Looking at Trust


Do you want to recover from the disruption of broken trust? What if you could trust your husband 25%, 50%–or even 75%, would that boost your belief in your potential for success in saving your marriage? Here is how you can.


Realize there isn’t one, absolute way of trusting your husband. It’s really not an “all or nothing” proposition, like many people mistakenly believe. According to “How to Survive an Affair,” there are different types of trust and different ways to trust your husband. So it’s possible to still have trust in your husband, despite his cheating.


In fact according to Dr. Frank Gunzburg, the creator of How to Survive an Affair, there are five forms of trust in a relationship. This should be encouraging because it provides a glimmer of hope that your marriage, after all, can be salvaged – even after your husband cheated on you.


Even after an affair, there are aspects of your relationship with your husband where trust still exists. Knowing that your trust really hasn’t been totally and irrevocably annihilated, you may feel better knowing all is not lost: you really do have some form of foundation from which to build.


You can learn more about the five forms of trust in a relationship and also the ten destructive habits that tear down trust by downloading your copy of “How to Survive an Affair.” Click here to get started rebuilding a renewed trust-filled relationship.

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