And with that one act you are left in a puddle of unhappiness and seemingly never-ending misery.
The affair has cost you plenty, in terms of:
Negative and obsessive thoughts.
Haunting images of the two of them together
Feeling tense and anxious all the time
Your self-esteem is demolished
You feel unworthy and insecure
All this emotional angst can and will twist your stomach into tight knots. What you need is a strategy to revive your self-esteem and rebuild your self-confidence. It’s important for your own emotional health and well-being that you focus your energy on your own self-care and away from the betrayal. Especially in the beginning right after the discovery of the affair. Start spending more YOU time. Learn who you are, and love that person.
Granted it may be difficult to muster up the strength to care about doing anything for yourself during this challenging time. But do it you must if you want to heal and rebuild your self-esteem and self-worth.
[This video offers some additional tips for dealing with insecurity and self-doubt.]
Here are some practical strategies to deal with your insecurities and rebuild your self-confidence, self-trust, and self-respect.
Channel your energies into learning something new
Now’s the perfect time to find a passion or interest to add to your life. Pick up an old hobby or even start a new one. If you’ve always wanted to learn how to speak a new language or try out belly dancing, go for it! You’ll find that your troubles vanish when you’re involved with something that fascinates you, at least temporarily.
Another idea is to make a list of the things you’ve never tried before, but have always wanted to do. For me personally it’s to learn how to play tennis. Just find one or two things that interest you the most and go for it.
Surround yourself with some positive energy – It Works!
Positive energy can come from the things you choose to do. It can also come from the people you surround yourself with. When you’re surrounded by positive energy, you can’t help but maintain positivity!
Here are some examples of how to get that positive energy:
- Start your day by reading inspirational quotes, articles or books
- Watch movies and read books that empower and uplift you
- Do things with your kids, family and friends that build encouragement
- Practice affirmations by changing your self-talk from negative to positive
- Start a gratitude list
Integrate meditation into your daily life
Set aside 15-20 minutes, preferably at the same time each day for simple meditation. Meditation is the perfect medium for connecting to your inner self and it’s also a great way to help you focus on the present.
Your husbands affair happened in the past, so spending too much time focusing on that will rob you of inner peace. The fact of the matter is, painful experiences and/or disappointments can be very discouraging. But you can train yourself to look at what’s right in front of you?
Here’s the truth… focusing on the present also keeps you from worrying about the future and whether or not your husband will cheat again. The reality is, uncertainty looms every day, everywhere. But dwelling on the “what ifs” could result in you missing out on experiencing greater happiness, joy and fulfillment that are right in front of you.
UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center offers free guided mindfulness meditations in mp3 format or you can listen to the Podcasts on iTunes. There is no big time commitment either as all of the meditations are under 20 minutes with some as short as three minutes. If you wanted to take it a step further, you can enroll in their 6-week online classes.
If you would like to learn more about mindfulness meditation, check out this article: “Mindfulness Meditation Is Rediscovered.”
Yoga is much more than stretching. Its incredibly relaxing and will help you release stress that comes with your husband’s infidelity as well as other stress you may be facing. It will help you focus and it just feels great.
Look at this experience as one to learn from
The truth of the matter is that everything happens for a reason! It’s a well-worn cliché I know, but it’s true. It’s the most accurate explanation for what happens in life. But how you react to the situation is what really matters.
True, you may not like the situation that you’re in or even understand why it happened. But instead of reacting, take the time to connect with the deeper meaning of it all.
At this point you’re likely thinking.. all of this sounds good, but most days I can hardly get out of bed. I can barely function doing normal day-to-day activities.
I hear your cry! I was once in your shoes.
Trying to put on a brave front and keep going when you’re all torn up inside takes herculean effort.
So here’s what I want you to do. Visualize yourself six months or even maybe even a year from now. You’ve put forth the effort and now you’ve become this strong, confident woman.
You have a new hobby or interest that excites you and brings you joy. And even though you are still dealing with the after effects of your husband’s betrayal, you are in a better place emotionally and can do what it takes to rebuild the union.
Ironic as it may seem your husband’s infidelity has provided you with the unexpected. A chance to stop and take stock of your life. To define what your needs are and discover who you really are. And whether or not it’s who you want to be. Learning to overcome feeling unworthy and insecure, is all about taking small baby steps to relearn how to be you and reclaim your own space and individuality.
Even though I’ve given you a few pointers in this article, please don’t try to do them all at once and overwhelm yourself. Just pick one thing to get started with and go from there. Do that one thing for three weeks (it usually takes that long for a new habit to develop). Research has shown that making one change at a time greatly increases your chances of success.
Take the next step…
It’s a proven fact that rebuilding your self-confidence and regaining your self-esteem and self-respect will ultimately help you overcome all those negative and obsessive thoughts that plague your every waking moment.
What if you can finally get out of the emotional rut you’re in and start walking confidently again?
Would that make a difference in your life?
I’m sensing that you would say yes.
Then you might want to have a look at “How to Survive an Affair.” I consider this the bible for anyone who wants to not only survive the affair but also thrive as a couple. Look, you are responsible for your life, no one else is. So don’t let procrastination, hesitation or fear stop you from regaining your emotional health. Click Here To Start Healing Today.