My Husband Cheated on Me: How do I Stop Feeling Unworthy and Insecure?

my husband cheated on me affirmationYour husband cheated on you.

And with that one act you are left in a puddle of unhappiness and seemingly never-ending misery.

The affair has cost you plenty, in terms of:

Negative and obsessive thoughts.

Roller-coaster emotions

Haunting images of the two of them together

Feeling tense and anxious all the time

Your self-esteem is demolished

You feel unworthy and insecure

All this emotional angst can and will twist your stomach into tight knots. What you need is a strategy to revive your self-esteem and rebuild your self-confidence. It’s important for your own emotional health and well-being that you focus your energy on your own self-care and away from the betrayal. Especially in the beginning right after the discovery of the affair. Start spending more YOU time. Learn who you are, and love that person.

Granted it may be difficult to muster up the strength to care about doing anything for yourself during this challenging time. But do it you must if you want to heal and rebuild your self-esteem and self-worth.

[This video offers some additional tips for dealing with insecurity and self-doubt.]

boost self-esteem after husband's affair

Here are some practical strategies to deal with your insecurities and rebuild your self-confidence, self-trust, and self-respect.

Channel your energies into learning something new

Now’s the perfect time to find a passion or interest to add to your life. Pick up an old hobby or even start a new one. If you’ve always wanted to learn how to speak a new language or try out belly dancing, go for it! You’ll find that your troubles vanish when you’re involved with something that fascinates you, at least temporarily.

Related:  Obsessed With Comparing Yourself to The Other Woman? Six Reasons Why it is Time to Stop

Another idea is to make a list of the things you’ve never tried before, but have always wanted to do. For me personally it’s to learn how to play tennis. Just find one or two things that interest you the most and go for it.

Surround yourself with some positive energy – It Works!

Positive energy can come from the things you choose to do. It can also come from the people you surround yourself with. When you’re surrounded by positive energy, you can’t help but maintain positivity!

Here are some examples of how to get that positive energy:

  • Start your day by reading inspirational quotes, articles or books
  • Watch movies and read books that empower and uplift you
  • Do things with your kids, family and friends that build encouragement
  • Practice affirmations by changing your self-talk from negative to positive
  • Start a gratitude list

Integrate meditation into your daily life

Set aside 15-20 minutes, preferably at the same time each day for simple meditation. Meditation is the perfect medium for connecting to your inner self and it’s also a great way to help you focus on the present.

Your husbands affair happened in the past, so spending too much time focusing on that will rob you of inner peace. The fact of the matter is, painful experiences and/or disappointments can be very discouraging. But you can train yourself to look at what’s right in front of you?

Here’s the truth… focusing on the present also keeps you from worrying about the future and whether or not your husband will cheat again. The reality is, uncertainty looms every day, everywhere. But dwelling on the “what ifs” could result in you missing out on experiencing greater happiness, joy and fulfillment that are right in front of you.

Related:  Is He Cheating on Me? Get The Facts. Know What to Look For

UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center offers free guided mindfulness meditations in mp3 format or you can listen to the Podcasts on iTunes. There is no big time commitment either as all of the meditations are under 20 minutes with some as short as three minutes. If you wanted to take it a step further, you can enroll in their 6-week online classes.

If you would like to learn more about mindfulness meditation, check out this article:  “Mindfulness Meditation Is Rediscovered.”

Try Yoga

Yoga is much more than stretching. Its incredibly relaxing and will help you release stress that comes with your husband’s infidelity as well as other stress you may be facing. It will help you focus and it just feels great.

Look at this experience as one to learn from

my husband cheated on meThe truth of the matter is that everything happens for a reason! It’s a well-worn cliché I know, but it’s true. It’s the most accurate explanation for what happens in life. But how you react to the situation is what really matters.

True, you may not like the situation that you’re in or even understand why it happened. But instead of reacting, take the time to connect with the deeper meaning of it all.

At this point you’re likely thinking.. all of this sounds good, but most days I can hardly get out of bed. I can barely function doing normal day-to-day activities.

I hear your cry! I was once in your shoes.

Trying to put on a brave front and keep going when you’re all torn up inside takes herculean effort.

So here’s what I want you to do. Visualize yourself six months or even maybe even a year from now. You’ve put forth the effort and now you’ve become this strong, confident woman.

You have a new hobby or interest that excites you and brings you joy. And even though you are still dealing with the after effects of your husband’s betrayal, you are in a better place emotionally and can do what it takes to rebuild the union.

Related:  How to Restore Trust in a Relationship Again After he Cheated on You

Ironic as it may seem your husband’s infidelity has provided you with the unexpected. A chance to stop and take stock of your life. To define what your needs are and discover who you really are. And whether or not it’s who you want to be. Learning to overcome feeling unworthy and insecure, is all about taking small baby steps to relearn how to be you and reclaim your own space and individuality.

Even though I’ve given you a few pointers in this article, please don’t try to do them all at once and overwhelm yourself. Just pick one thing to get started with and go from there. Do that one thing for three weeks (it usually takes that long for a new habit to develop). Research has shown that making one change at a time greatly increases your chances of success.

Take the next step…

It’s a proven fact that rebuilding your self-confidence and regaining your self-esteem and self-respect will ultimately help you overcome all those negative and obsessive thoughts that plague your every waking moment.

What if you can finally get out of the emotional rut you’re in and start walking confidently again?

Would that make a difference in your life?

I’m sensing that you would say yes.

Then you might want to have a look at “How to Survive an Affair.” I consider this the bible for anyone who wants to not only survive the affair but also thrive as a couple. Look, you are responsible for your life, no one else is. So don’t let procrastination, hesitation or fear stop you from regaining your emotional health. Click Here To Start Healing Today.


boost self-esteem after husband's affair

14 thoughts on “My Husband Cheated on Me: How do I Stop Feeling Unworthy and Insecure?”

      • Hi, thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. I agree, moving forward IS hard. But don’t give up. Get help and take action. Rooting for you!

  1. It’s really hard.. I’m pregnant and I’m trying to stay positive but it bothers me that he’s not as bothered about what he did as I am…

    • Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. It’s never a good time to deal with infidelity, but in your situation it is doubly hard because you are expecting. It may not bother him because he is mostly in what is known as the “affair fog.” Honey, take a step back and start thinking about yourself and the beautiful life you are bringing into this world. Look, I know it is hard to do. But if you can’t do it alone, get help, from friends, family, your spiritual advisor or a professional. Take care. XO, Mellie

  2. It’s been a year and just when I begin to think I can leave it all behind, something will trigger the memory and it brings those roller coaster of emotions right back. Unbelievable pain, broken trust, and overwhelming insecurity. I just want to leave it in the past… but it’s so hard.

    • Toogoodwifey I know exactly how you feel. For me it’s been 10 months since I found out. My fiance and I were in a long distance relationship and the betrayal mainly happen because of the great and prolonged distance between us. Since I found out, he has done everything to make me feel loved and to show me how sorry he is for what he did. But like you, I go through those days where anything will trigger a thought that will lead to what happened, I don’t know how, but my brain just relates anything to what he did, I get images, flashes, and is like I just found out. I’ve noticed though, that It usually happens when I realize that I’m doing better, or that I haven’t had an episode for a while, it’s like i jinxed myself. He reassures me all the time, but I still feel so insecure. I hope we can get through this, I love him dearly and I want to make it work.

  3. It’s not easy. I stare in the mirror & tell myself “why am I putting myself thru this” and I start to cry. Then, I remember as a wife, mother, woman, and child of God that I can’t lose myself. Right now in my mind his words don’t mean anything to me. The I Love U bullshit but it didn’t matter when he CHOSE . Actions speak louder than words. Deep down inside I love the A-HOLE and i do my wifely duties. I am still there for him but the pain is there. But one thing I always tell my husband even if we are mad at each other that I LOVE HIM and still thank God for what he has giving me. I know God doesn’t give me anything I can’t handle.

  4. I hope this is for men too, as a husband who tried to always do the right thing as a husband and father, I was destroyed to find out. Been 5 months since finding out, and Next month will be 1year since she did it. I’m on this roller coaster ride alone it seems, trying to heal and hope it works out or do it? Will I ever trust again? She chose him over me she needed more than I could give and I gave her everything. It was her not me as she told the counselor.. I’m praying that my faith and strength will help me get heal, because I’m sick of feeling this way.. I’ve never felt worse in my life.

    • Hi, thanks for stopping by and sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you are in this predicament. Whether you’re man or woman, infidelity hurts just as much. But please don’t blame yourself for her unfaithfulness. If both of you are willing to save the marriage, then there is hope. You have to feel what you are feeling, but please do get some help to deal with the pain. Wishing you hope and healing.

  5. It’s been 3 months since my husband has come back and we’ve been working things out but I still can’t get over it everyday i think to myself he is thinking of her, he cheated on me for 4 months and I was pregnant with our second our baby was even premature and that didn’t stop him for leaving us at the hospital to go to her not even our 3 year old crying for him did, he didn’t seem to care at that time, I kicked him out I couldn’t live this way, a month later he came crying back and now 3 months later here we are… And I cannot get over it at all

  6. I am trying to move on but each time those dreadful thoughts cross my mind as to whether its really over between them and the thoughts of ominous intimacies between them shatters me…its not easy..but i want to forgive him as i love him to the moon and back ..but unable to forget that he did this to me in our 25 year old marriage and 5 years of courtship before marriage..

  7. I lost hope .mine is worse since its many different women. And prostitutes he cant recall as he was he claims was so drunk.
    Am pregnant 5months with 3rd baby and yet the pain is so great.
    He has come clean ..after I caught him first time but did it over n over again. Its after I left our home that he broke down and pleaded claiming he has changed.
    Despite the pointers of change like quitting alcohol, not staying out in bars till late and showing care, I just don’t TRUST HIM. Please tell me how to feel better. Am very good looking but lately I feel ugly.

    • Hi, thanks for stopping by and sharing your story. Get help right away to take care of yourself. Find yourself a life coach, spiritual advisor or someone you can trust to help you. All the best.


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