Infidelity can devastate a marriage.
And while some husbands are so angry and betrayed when their wives have an affair that they’re only interested in ending the relationship, other men decide that they want to fight for what was theirs.
There are no guaranteed methods for winning back a cheating wife; however, each of the suggestions below may help persuade her to give the marriage another chance.
Make Her Feel Loved
Sure, she probably knows you love her, even now. Chances are, you’ve said it hundreds and hundreds of times.
But when was the last time you made her “feel” loved?
Everyone has a different way of experiencing love. If her “love style” is that she needs affirmation from you, then she needs to hear how and why you value her, not just that you love her.
So, saying “I love you” isn’t enough because that’s not how she hears love. Saying, “I appreciate how much effort you put into planning and preparing nutritious, home-cooked meals” signals to her that you really “see” her, value her, and the work that she does in your home and for your family.
Discover what ways of making her feel loved are the most meaningful to her, and use them to communicate that to her.
Avoid Verbal Punishment
Chances are good that if you and your wife are struggling through infidelity, you will have several highly emotionally charged conversations.
Do your best to avoid verbally punishing her.
This isn’t the same thing as verbal abuse, which is never acceptable. In this case, avoid throwing the affair in her face every day. So, for example, if she asks you what you want for dinner, don’t say, “I don’t know; what did you make HIM for dinner when I was out of town?”
Of course you might feel like she deserves these little digs, but they will not help you win her back. You want home to still feel like a welcoming place not a battlefield. That old advice about not saying anything if you have nothing nice to say holds up well here.
Don’t be a doormat, but don’t antagonize her unnecessarily, either.
If you have friends or family that are aware of the troubles between the two of you, make sure they know of your intentions to win back your wife.
Chances are good she may share her feelings with some of these folks – perhaps a sibling or friend? – and if they are confident in your willingness to mend the marriage and put the pieces back together, they may gently suggest she reconsider leaving the relationship.
She may see your openness to sharing your desires with friends and family as more serious than if you told only her, when the two of you were conversing alone. It’s a way of putting yourself out there and risking more.
At the same time, be honest with your wife, too. This is not the time to play it cool. But don’t lay it on too thick, or be overly emotional. Be clear and straightforward about what you want.
Tell her that you want her to break off the affair, that you want her back, and that you want to work on your marriage.
Give her something to hold onto.
No one cheats for no reason. Engage your wife in conversation and ask her why she chose to have an affair, and then really listen to the answer.
- Is she being truthful?
- Is she hiding the real reason to spare your feelings or her own guilt?
- Does she make valid points?
Of course there is no reason good enough for stepping out on your marriage; however, if she is profoundly unhappy and can outline her reasons why she’s made the decision to cheat, that could help you.
Use what you learn to make changes where you can. Perhaps there is an issue that finally reached a tipping point for her, and this was her way of “fighting back”.
Could you spend more time at home?
Pitch in more around the house?
Listen carefully and try and use that knowledge to make positive changes. You might entice her back because the “problem” is being resolved and you are demonstrating a willingness to work on it.
Showing her that you’re listening to her can also help.
Start Over Again
Dating your wife can help win her back.
Go back to the beginning of your relationship and make a new start. Pretend that you need to make a good first impression all over again.
- Buy her flowers
- Make her favorite meal
- Join her in her favorite hobby, such as running or painting
- Start a new tradition for the two of you, like a full Sunday morning breakfast, and sharing the newspaper
- Flirt with her
- Woo her
It may feel silly, because you’ve been together for a while, but it might make her feel wanted and desired. It could be enough to turn her attention back to your marriage.
Remember, you have one thing the other guy doesn’t – you really know your wife. You’ve had a long time to learn what she likes and doesn’t; use that to your advantage. Show her how well you understand her and how attuned you can be to her, and her alone.
Putting Your Best Foot Forward
These tips for winning back a cheating wife are just a start. You know your wife best, and you know the circumstances under which things in your marriage have gone wrong.
You’re in the unique position of having the best insight on how to persuade her that breaking off the affair and coming home for good is the right thing to do. Use that understanding and the years of knowledge that you’ve gained to your advantage.
Show her you love her, that you welcome her back, and that you’re willing to work on the problems. Regardless of what happens in the end, you will always be able to say that you tried your very best, and that is always a mature and honorable thing to do.