Just because your spouse didn’t have sex with someone doesn’t mean their affair isn’t just as painful.
There are many kinds of affairs, and in some ways an emotional affair can be even worse than a sexual dalliance.
Because the emotions that you share with someone you love are often even more important than the physical connection that people having “just” sex experience.
Don’t let anyone tell you that your husband’s emotional affair isn’t just as painful and hard to deal with as someone’s physical affair.
The point is your spouse still shared things with someone else that was supposed to be reserved only for the special relationship between a husband and a wife. While it’s true that your spouse has not done anything sexual with the person and has at least saved you the worry of contracting diseases, it doesn’t take away the pain when you find out.
Dealing with an emotional affair can be really difficult, but there are some steps that you can take to help yourself deal with it.
The violation of trust that you’ve experienced is deep and profound. For some people overcoming an emotional affair is far harder than overcoming one that is only sexual. You’re going to have a higher hill to climb than someone whose husband had sex with hookers, for instance.
Both types of affairs are violations of trust, but one cuts deeper. You may find yourself imagining the things your spouse talked to about with the other person, and maybe even believe they discussed you and your spouse’s relationship.
This may feel especially difficult to deal with because you want to be the person your spouse discusses their deep feelings and life plans with, not someone else.
Read below to learn some effective ways of dealing with your husband’s emotional affair.
Decide If the Marriage Can be Saved – The only way to determine this is with the help of your spouse. If they want to work on the marriage, then it is possible that the marriage can be saved, but it will take two people to do the work, not just one. Therefore, ensure that you are both on the same page so that you can save the marriage.
Determine What Went Wrong – People do not have emotional affairs without a deep wound being in the marriage to start with. It doesn’t mean that it’s an excuse for your spouse to have done it.
No. They should have come to you and talked to you first about their concerns, and not sought out the comfort of someone else. But, it is important to figure out what went wrong so that you can move forward.
Try to Share Interests – If you did not have shared interests before the emotional affair it’s imperative that you two find something that you can share now. Many times emotional affairs begin due to a lack of shared interests and doing things together.
Married couples can get into a bad habit of living two separate lives. While doing activities without each other is perfectly fine, making a habit of doing things apart all the time can be dangerous for any marriage.
Be Yourself – It’s important that once you find out about your spouse’s emotional affair that you don’t change who you are. You are perfectly good and worth a good marriage just how you are. However, it’s important to discover who you are with your spouse too. If you try too hard to be someone you’re not, it will never last and even if it did, you would not be happy.
Demand Openness – Do not allow your husband to continue his emotional affair. It’s important to ensure that your spouse realizes that he cannot continue the affair, emotional or otherwise, and still stay married. Ask your spouse to be open with you and start sharing things with you instead if he wants the marriage to last.
Admit Your Own Faults – While it’s not your fault that your spouse chose to deal with his problems by having an emotional affair; it is still important for you to identify the things about you that allowed this to happen in your marriage.
Are you emotionally distant? Are you judgmental? While not always true, sometimes you can identify things that you can improve to make it less likely that your spouse will have an emotional affair.
Do Not Contact Her – It’s important that your spouse end the relationship, but you should not contact the person. It’s not going to make you feel any better. The important thing is that your spouse does not have contact with that person again, separate all ties, and move on.
It’s not important for you to let that person know your man is taken or anything. This is not about them, it’s about you and your spouse, and remember, she could be anyone.
Get Professional Help – Most marriages cannot survive without professional help and guidance to get through this type of situation. Ensure that you find a counselor, group, life coach or other help that has experience dealing with the problems specific to emotional affairs to get the best help that you can to give your marriage the best chance to survive.
You and your spouse can get through this situation and get over his emotional affair. But, you both have to be on board with ensuring that you work through any problems you had before the affair started, and work hard to avoid having a gulf between you again that can leave your marriage open to emotional affairs. An emotional affair doesn’t have to mean that your marriage is over.
You can work together to close the ranks of your marriage to make your marriage impenetrable to this ever happening again if you do what needs to be done. In fact, if you both want it bad enough your marriage can become even more solid now that the holes that need filled have been identified.
Click here to see how you can find the strength to rebuild your relationship after your husband’s emotional affair and take the first steps towards the one thing you thought you’d never feel again…TRUST