It doesn’t seem to matter what you’re doing, working, playing, just living your life takes on a whole new meaning when the intrusive thoughts of the infidelity niggle at your mind every second of the day.
When thoughts circle in your mind over and over again it can be very unhealthy. After all, there really is nothing you can do to change what has happened.
Continuously thinking about it isn’t going to help and in fact is just going to make you more obsessed. It’s really easy to become obsessed. You find yourself thinking about all kinds of things that you don’t want to think of like:
- What did their partner look like?
- Are they better looking than me?
- Where did they do it?
- What types of things did they do?
- What did they talk about?
The details go through your mind in a flash at any given moment. You could be at the grocery store, taking the kids to school, watching a TV show, trying to sleep – the thoughts have no boundaries and can intrude at any given moment to send your mind and heart in a swirl of emotions that you can’t even name.
Everything is off balance and you feel, often, as if you’re drowning. It is important to develop skills to stop these thoughts from taking over your life so that you can move on happily. There are many ways that you can work on yourself in order to stop thinking about the affair.
But, you have to be ready to make a change in your way of thinking, and take control over yourself for it to work. Here are some things that you can do right now to stop thinking about the affair so much.
Set a Time Limit
Time limits work for both positive and negative things. You can set a time limit for almost anything from house work, to controlling your thoughts and it can work.
Give yourself a certain amount of time to let your mind think of all the horrible things mentioned above, but set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes and pick a good time of day where you can then do something else right after that is positive.
If you just can’t seem to stop the thoughts you may need to seek professional counseling and perhaps a short term prescription for medication to help you deal with your situation. There is nothing wrong with getting short term help to overcome this issue.
Many people balk at the idea of getting help dealing with infidelity related issues, but if your obsessive thoughts are intruding on your ability to live your life, you must get some help.
Getting some sort of exercise, especially exercise that requires focus such as Yoga, Swimming and Running can really help you center your mind on positive thoughts, or no thoughts at all other than your breath going in and out of your body and how that feels.
The ability to hyper focus on things like how the air smells, or how the water feels on your body will help you avoid these intrusive thoughts for a period of time.
Get Outside Yourself
Is there a cause you care deeply about? If so, devote your spare time to volunteering for that cause. Hands on work doing things for others will make your own problems pale in comparison and you will be able to put things into a better perspective and avoid intrusive thought patterns that interfere in your life.
Whether you help humans or animals won’t matter, it’ll make you feel good about yourself and give you something else to focus on.
It’s tempting to wallow in your sorrow and fill your body with the main drug of choice for most which is food, but you’d be doing yourself a favor if you skipped the buckets of chicken and cartons of ice cream and swapped them out with something healthier.
For example, if you really need to eat your feelings, eat a lot of fruit – nothing is wrong with eating an entire watermelon. You’ll get the emotional eating out, and avoid the problems associated with processed foods.
Try the Rubber Band Trick
Some people have had success stopping behaviors they don’t want to do by wearing a rubber band on their wrist and snapping it every time they do or consider the offending behavior. While it does hurt, it has worked for a lot of people who want to quick smoking or eating when they’re not hungry. It can work for intrusive thoughts too.
The truth is, no amount of thinking about the affair, and no amount of information you get will change the fact that it happened. The best thing you can do for yourself is to try to divert your thoughts when they come up at the wrong moments.
Of course, you need to talk about it sometimes, but you cannot allow the thoughts about the infidelity to take over your life. Whether you want to believe it or not, the affair actually has very little to do with you, and is about the character of the cheater.
Thinking about the affair is part of dealing with infidelity. It’s a natural reaction to have when someone has literally ripped the rug out from under you in such a big way. It cuts to the core in ways that you never thought possible.
The one person you thought you could trust with your life has done something horrible that makes you question everything and you naturally want to know why, who, what, how and when. But, once you get those answers, it’s time to move past it and move on so that you can truly deal with infidelity in a healthy way that allows you to make a new life for yourself.