Before infidelity entered your life it’s more than likely that you typically controlled your feelings in public.
Now that you’re experiencing the shock and pain of betrayal, you might find it hard to do normal things like shop for groceries and work.
Being around others might elicit feelings that you never thought you had.
The simplest greeting can send you into rage, despair, and other emotions that aren’t very productive. Working through these feelings will become an important part of your life for the next few months. If your feelings are getting the better of you, then seek help in dealing with infidelity related feelings and emotions. Here are some things you can do to help yourself feel better.
Take Some Time
Taking a little time off if possible can help you deal with your feelings better than trying to pretend that everything is normal. You may not want to tell the world what has happened though, so if you have any vacation days, or if you can just go away for a weekend, or say you are and stay home, do it.
Take some time for yourself to experience the emotions that you have about the situation.
See a Professional Counselor
Going to a counselor works for a lot of people. Find one that specializes in helping people deal with issues such as infidelity and who will focus on steps that you can take to overcome in the way that you want to whether that is getting back with your spouse, or whether that is getting a divorce.
The counselor needs to be focused on you, if you want counseling as a couple, then it’s important to do that separately.
Hire a Life Coach
Some people prefer a life coach over a counselor or a life coach in addition to a counselor. A life coach will work with you on a specific issue over a period of a few weeks. For example, you may have the goal to overcome extreme grief and a life coach will give you steps to take.
Or, maybe you want to learn how to rebuild trust. A life coach can help you with almost any goal that you create for yourself.
It may seem strange, but exercise can truly help you work through your feelings related to dealing with infidelity. Choose an exercise that you can do alone such as walking, running, yoga, swimming and so forth.
This will help you focus on deep thought and introspection while you also work your body. Exercise produces “feel good” endorphins that will help you calm down and use your emotions in a positive way to get through this time.
Eating clean and healthy can do more than make your body healthy. It can also help your mind focus better so that you can make better decisions. And, of course, the right type of food can also make you feel better about yourself physically and emotionally too.
You have to realize that if you aren’t going to take care of yourself, and put yourself first, no one else is going to either. Your worth has to be established by you. Choosing healthy food is a good step.
Studies have shown that meditation and / or prayer can help people deal with a variety of issues in a more centered and productive manner. Take time out daily to do either or both in a positive way.
Breathe deeply and center yourself on positive thoughts and affirmations at least 10 to 15 minutes each day. Meditation will help you focus on the feelings you’re having, and help you deal with them, with confidence, each day.
Avoid Quick Decisions
It can be tempting in the heat of the moment to make life changing decisions off the cuff. Anger, sadness, fear, and the swirl of emotions you will experience when dealing with infidelity can put you off balance. Avoid making any big decisions until you’re over the initial shock of the emotions you’re feeling.
Keep a Positive Diary
Every single evening before you get ready for bed, take some time to write in a journal about the positive things you did, experienced or leaned that day. By focusing on good things, you’ll naturally produce more feel good hormones that help your feelings balance out so that you can avoid the rollercoaster ride of up and down emotions and feelings.
Set Measurable Goals
This is a very important step when dealing with feelings because most people believe that you can’t control how you feel at all, that you’re at the mercy of your emotions. But, the truth is, by setting goals about overcoming certain feelings, and working through them, in a real measurable way, you can make a lot of positive changes.
Give Yourself (and your spouse) a Deadline
One of the hardest things about the feelings associated with infidelity is that the feelings you have, sadness, mistrust, anger and even jealousy can go on forever if you allow yourself to avoid setting goals or deadlines regarding certain feelings.
This is very important when speaking of negative emotions and feelings. Give yourself a reasonable time limit to overcome each stage of grief, and to make decisions regarding your future. This will be so much healthier than allowing for an unlimited and unchecked emotional rollercoaster to continue.
Working through your feelings will take some time. Dealing with infidelity and the feelings that come with it take work. Don’t avoid your feelings, but do set some goals for yourself regarding working through them so that you can point to the successes you’ve achieved as you move on with your life and make it better than ever.