If there is one certainty in the aftermath of an affair, it is that it can tear down your self-esteem.
After the time, love, and trust that you have put into your husband and your relationship with him, a betrayal such as this can make you feel small, uncertain, and worthless.
In the blink of one thoughtless act, your whole world feels like it is crumbling down around you.
Your self-esteem is essential to every aspect of affair recovery. It is essential for you to move forward with your own life, and it is essential if you ever hope to rebuild and recover after your husband’s affair. Especially if you hope to have a healthy and happy relationship with your husband after the affair, you will need a healthy self-esteem to keep the relationship going. In fact, it may be one of the single most important parts of being able to move on.
Why is a healthy self-esteem so essential for affair recovery?
Stop the Blame Game
One very common and very natural response to infidelity is wondering if you might be to blame for your husband’s behavior. The biggest hit to a woman’s self-esteem comes from the insecurities of her own mind and from blaming herself for her husband’s mistake.
Wondering if the affair happened because you aren’t pretty or desirable enough, or if maybe you weren’t pleasing him in some way only serves to hurt yourself and does nothing to help the affair recovery process. The fact is, the only person to blame for cheating is the cheater. No matter what his reasons are, you are not to blame for your husband’s affair.
Letting yourself or your husband lead you to believe that you are to blame for any part of his behavior is detrimental to your own mindset as well as the possibility for recovering from the affair.
Low self-esteem after an affair can lead you to compare yourself to the other woman. Seeking out photos, asking too many questions about her, or obsessing over little things like this incessantly only serves to slow the healing process.
You cannot fully heal, move forward, or rebuild a relationship if you are constantly thinking about the other woman or comparing yourself to her.
Secure Your Future
Whether or not you decide that you want to keep your marriage together, part of the affair recovery process is looking toward the future and making decisions about what you want to do. You cannot make clear and healthy decisions for yourself if your self-esteem is suffering.
If your marriage is going to survive, you need to go forward with a clear head. If your self-esteem is low, you are going to be constantly on edge, afraid, and still comparing yourself with a woman that is likely long gone from your husband’s mind.
If you choose to move on without your husband, you need the healthy self-esteem to build yourself a new and beautiful life. You need to hold yourself in good esteem if you expect other people to do the same. This goes for any friends you make down the road, as well as potential future relationships.
How to Rebuild and Boost Your Self-Esteem
After a major hit, it is understandable that your self-esteem might be lacking a little. There are ways to rebuild and boost yourself-esteem, however, so you can move forward in the world with a clear head. A healthy self-esteem with help you in all areas of life, not the least of which is recovering from your husband’s affair.
Self-esteem is all about how you view yourself. So no matter what, you need to tell yourself how wonderful you are. There are a few exercises that can help you remind yourself about how wonderful you are.
Make a list of all of the things you love about yourself. Even small things are important. Things such as the color of your eyes, or your ability to have a conversation with just about anyone, are important positive things to love. Simply list all of the things that you love about yourself and then read it, over and over again.
Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a great person, and that you deserve the best in life. Tell yourself that you love you, and repeat it as many times as it takes for it to sink in.
The more you make these lists and tell yourself that you love yourself, the more it will sink in until you realize that you truly believe it.
Take Care of Yourself
Make an effort to treat yourself well. Eat healthy and exercise often and be the healthiest you possible. When you can, treat yourself to a relaxing massage or pedicure, and take a little extra time getting ready each morning. Even if you don’t wear makeup, just take a few extra minutes to take care of you.
Treating yourself well is a major step to regaining the self-esteem that you lost, and is also helpful for affair recovery because your spouse will start to see you differently as well.
Even when you are feeling uncertain on the inside, show confidence on the outside, as they say “fake it ‘till you make it”. Whenever you go out, lift your chin and stand up straight. You may notice that people, including your husband, treat you quite differently when they notice your confidence. Before you know it, this will become habit.
There are many situations in life that can give you a hit to your self-esteem. Your husband’s affair is one situation that can cause long lasting and severe self-esteem issues. In order to process, heal, and rebuild after an unfortunate event such as cheating, you are going to need your self-esteem intact. Your self-esteem is a major part of the building blocks you will personally need to move toward affair recovery.