3 Behaviors to Avoid When Dealing With Infidelity

It can be a real slap in the face to find out that the person you loved and thought you new is a cheater.  The affair has taken away your stability and your belief in everything you thought was good. You find yourself struggling to believe what your cheating spouse says, while also struggling with your own internal thoughts and feelings. When dealing with infidelity, it is normal to feel certain negative emotions such as anger or feeling needy because your self-esteem is in the toilet. However, if you want to save your marriage and your sanity, you really want to try and lean how to manage these crippling emotions.

In this video, Dr. Huizenga discusses the #1 mistake to avoid when dealing with marital infidelity.

1) Avoid Unrelenting Anger

Your disloyal spouse changed your life without your permission by having an affair and you have every  right to be angry, especially after just finding out. Anger has its place and can be useful, but  it shouldn’t be in the forefront and rule your world, because continually being in anger is eventually going to create more problems than it solves.

2) Avoid Coming Across as Being Needy

You could sit around all day and be hurt, be emotional and demanding and act ugly and be really unattractive to your spouse, especially by comparison to the other person who may seem to be providing your mate with the understanding environment they crave. Or you can set aside your own neediness for a while and focus on what your spouse needs. If you’ve been dealing with infidelity for awhile, refuse to let this breach of integrity occupy your time any more than it already has.

Related:  A Proven Recipe For Successfully Surviving Infidelity Together

3) Avoid Giving Your Disloyal Spouse the Space he or she Needs (or so you think)

You may think that you are being helpful and supportive by giving your cheating spouse the ‘space’ they need. But in reality what you are actually doing is giving them all the time they need to think about their paramour and pine away for him or her. This is not to say that you should act as if you are joined at the hip, but this is a time to step up, instead of withdrawing.  One thing that may help is for each of you to find some sort of activity that you have an interest in either as a couple or individually.

This not only gives you discussion opportunities while doing something that you have in common and both enjoy, but it also provides opportunities to talk about something new and different and shows that you care for them.

As the injured spouse, your first line of business is to lay down a solid internal foundation for yourself and try as much as possible to avoid self-defeating behaviors. Successfully dealing with infidelity and repairing your broken marriage can work if both people want it to and are willing to do the necessary work.

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