Experiencing infidelity is often compared to riding a very frightening roller coaster without a harness protecting you from injury.
Your emotions will go from up to down at the drop of a hat.
You’ll be enjoying a normal day when tears spring to your eyes or you feel red hot hatred for the spouse with whom you just shared a loving kiss.
These roller coaster emotions are actually normal to a point, but there are ways to take charge of them when dealing with infidelity.
Accept That Some Emotional Fluctuations Are Normal
Dealing with infidelity is an emotional experience. Infidelity can make you question everything about your life and not just your cheating spouse.
Realize that, for the immediate future, your emotions will be raw. You will have good days and bad days sometimes all in the same hour. It’s how you react to the emotions is what matters.
Don’t Try to Bury Your Emotions Accept Them
While you don’t want to let yourself become dragged down into the abyss, it’s important to try not to stuff down the emotions you do have. At first they will come hard and fast and you may actually even feel unsteady on your feet sometimes. This is all normal and something that will not last forever.
Identify Triggers That Plummet Your Emotions into Darkness
One way to take charge of your emotions when dealing with infidelity is to be mindful of events and situations which set your emotions off. It’s not that you should avoid them, but if you can name the situations that trigger you, you can prepare in advance on how you will allow yourself to behave and react.
Own Your Emotions by Controlling Your Reaction to Them
Make a choice about how you will act when a certain emotion is evoked before you have it. For instance when you realize you’re going into a downward spiral plan in advance to turn on some happy music, or go for a fast walk, or take a hot bath. Even taking a deep breath and counting to ten will help you stop the downward spiral.
Keep an Emotional Diary
Every day, when you first wake up write down three positive goals for the day, and every night write down how you coped. If you had some success acknowledge that, but if you did not meet your goals, write down how you will deal with a similar situation next time it comes up. This will help you with identification, preparation and actions.
Practice Relaxation Techniques
There are many relaxation techniques you can use to help you deal with your emotions when dealing with infidelity. Meditation, deep breathing and aromatherapy are all good choices of relaxation techniques. Use them when you begin feeling out of control, before you lose control. This will go far in helping you deal with infidelity in a healthy way. Taking care of yourself is very important if you want to overcome infidelity.
Talk to Your Spouse About Your Feelings
Keeping the lines of communication open is very important when dealing with infidelity. Roller coaster emotions are normal and nothing to be ashamed of, or hide – especially from your spouse. Your cheating spouse should understand that you are feeling as if the rug was pulled out from under you, and they have an obligation to help you overcome these emotions in a healthy environment.
Don’t Make Major Decisions During Highs or Lows
It’s imperative that during extreme highs and lows that no important decisions are made. If the emotion was triggered by interaction with your spouse, take a time out for now, and agree to come back together to continue the discussion when you are calmer. Don’t even do so much as get your hair cut or colored and definitely don’t get a tattoo or something permanent when you are so emotional. There is always time to make important life altering choices later.
Take a Time Out
When experiencing emotional upheaval you can’t always literally remove yourself from the situation but you can close your eyes, take a deep breath and count to 10 no matter where you are. But, if you do have time and the means to take some time out do so. Go away with your spouse to a quiet place, even if it’s just at home. Being able to avoid the stresses of regular life for a little while can help you and your spouse deal with the infidelity and the roller coaster emotions that are common in the beginning.
Get Professional Help
Sometimes people find that their emotions are so out of control that they cannot control them with will power alone. Instead, they need temporary medication to help them deal with the anxiety and ups and downs that are particularly strong. If you are one of those people there is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s okay to get professional help.
Taking charge of your emotions and dealing with the roller coaster up and downs that infidelity can elicit takes time. However, with a little work and thought you can overcome these emotions and take control of your life again. You don’t need to be controlled by these emotions. You can use them instead to take your power back and overcome infidelity with your spouse, creating a whole new life that makes you both happier.
