Finding Yourself After Being Blindsided by His Affair: 5 Ways to Walk in Peace and Harmony

blindsided by his affair

The Oldest Story in the World

Infidelity is an old story you’ve heard told far too many times, but that doesn’t make it any less painful when it happens to you. It usually goes something like this. A seemingly happily married couple is navigating their life together when they’re suddenly rocked by the husband’s extramarital affair.

Stunned, the betrayed wife struggles to regain her balance. She’s taken aback by her partner’s betrayal, blindsided so violently that nothing makes sense anymore. The betrayed wife knows she has to pull herself together ASAP, but she has no idea how to get started.

This is a scenario you know all too well if you’ve recently discovered that your husband has been unfaithful. Words can’t describe what you’re feeling right now. At a time like this, the whole world can seem confusing, worthless, and hostile.

But you can recover from infidelity. It’ll take a lot of faith and hard work, but you’ll notice a positive change almost immediately. And you can start right here, with our list of 5 Ways to Walk In Peace and Harmony after your husband’s affair.

Understanding the Two Things You Need Most

But what exactly does it mean to walk in peace and harmony? At first glance, the answer might seem obvious, but it’s important to have a clear idea of our goals.

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Restoring your peace is the best way to pull your life together after it’s shattered by infidelity. If you think of it in the simplest terms– as a sense of calm in both mind and body– the goal of inner peace becomes something tangible that you can work toward attaining.

To find peace, you have to slow everything down: your thoughts, actions, and the way you deal with the outside world. This leads us to the idea of harmony. For our purposes, walking in harmony just means that we’re no longer fighting against circumstances or trying to swim upstream.

In some ways, the surrender required for harmony is the key to recovering from infidelity. Once you’ve stopped fighting, the healing process will begin quite naturally, almost of its own accord. And from here, it’s a short step to finding yourself. But you’ll need to be an active participant.

Here are 5 things you can do to get started.

1. Understand and Use the Power of Focus

First of all, it’s okay to grieve the loss you’ve experienced. Change is painful and frightening for all of us, especially when it involves our marriage. Don’t let anyone tell you to “buck up and move on.” You’ll navigate the waters of infidelity in your own way and at your own pace.

But at the same time, remember that whatever you focus on becomes bigger and exerts more power over you. This means you should strike a balance between sitting with your painful feelings and redirecting your mind to brighter things. This is a great way to stop fighting, which we know to be the key step toward peace and harmony.

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2. Use Whatever Resources You Have at Your Disposal

You have hidden reservoirs of strength inside of you, but it’s easier to access them and find yourself if you use outside resources that are proven to help. These resources can come in the form of individual or couples counseling, self-help books, and the support of family and friends. You can also expand your spiritual life with books on meditation and guided imagery.

There are also online forums where you can draw on the experience of people who’ve suffered the pain of infidelity, as well as many programs that are specifically designed to guide you step by step through the process of recovering from your husband’s affair.

3. Take Proper Care of Yourself

There is already plenty of pain and suffering that comes with infidelity, so don’t make it worse by ignoring your basic needs. This means developing and maintaining good self-care habits.

This is huge for those who are recovering from infidelity because proper self-care is the best way to facilitate the other methods you’ll be using to heal.

The things that make for proper self-care are often highly individualized. But if you start with things like good nutrition, exercise, and creating opportunities for down time, the more subjective practices you need to get into will quickly reveal themselves.

4. Put Compassion and Forgiveness into Practice

Compassion and forgiveness are absolutely critical right now, so put them into practice as soon as possible. Be gentle and accommodating toward yourself and others.

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Avoid judgments and wallowing in the “shoulds” of life. This includes being compassionate in any dealings you have with your husband, though this does not mean you are required to reconcile with him.

5. Pick Yourself Up By Staying Involved

You’ll need some down time, but isolating too much is one of the worst things you can do right now. Get out of your head by going into the world and participating in activities you enjoy. This includes showing up when others need you, as well as doing work in the community or finding new hobbies.

If you practice these things consistently, you’ll be shocked by the progress you make. Although it might not be obvious at first, you’ll soon look back and realize how much things have improved while you weren’t watching. That’s when you’ve truly begun to walk in peace and harmony.

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