You are not alone.
According to the National Health and Social Life Survey, 40% of married men, 16% of cohabiting men and 37% of dating men engaged in acts of sexual infidelity; by contrast, only 1% of married women, 8% of cohabiting women and 17% of women in dating relationships cheat on their partners.
Yes, you read that right. 40% of married men cheat on their wives (some wives just don’t know it & the statistics only include men who have admitted their affairs, so you can imagine how many men never admit their affairs).
Obviously, married men are much more likely to cheat. If that has happened to your marriage, you certainly have a range of options to consider.
Analyze the pros and cons of this marriage
Going through this trauma isn’t the easiest thing in the world. If you are thinking about staying married or ending this marriage, please analyze the pros and cons first.
After releasing your emotional pain, it’s time to be analytical. Write down the pros and cons of this marriage while considering these questions:
1) Do you have any mutual benefits in this marriage? (e.g. a company owned by you and your husband, children, etc.)
2) Is the emotional connection still there?
3) Are you happy with the quality of intimacy in the bedroom?
For example, Mary is a betrayed wife and here is her list:
Pros of this marriage:
A) My husband and I run a thriving business. If I divorce him, I will have significant financial loss because even though he can give me half a million dollars now, the business is the ultimate system which generates a large amount of revenue in the long term.
B) My husband and I have three children (8, 11 and 14 years old) & my children absolutely love their father. If I divorce him, my children will suffer from a broken family. My children are very, very, very, very important to me.
C) Frankly, I’m quite happy with the quality of intimacy with my husband in the bedroom because he is very adventurous. He is the best I’ve ever had. Realistically, if I divorce him, I don’t really know whether the next guy will be as good as him.
Cons of this marriage:
A) There is no way to measure emotional connection because both my husband and I have negative childhood experiences which made us care less about emotions.
B) He has cheated on me!
Because there are three pros and two cons, Mary has decided to stay married after her husband’s affair.
A well-known psychiatrist from Taiwan once said, “If betrayed wives don’t forgive their cheating husbands, then most couples wouldn’t stay married in this world.”
What’s under your control VS What’s outside your control
Life is not about what has happened to you; it’s about how you react to what has happened to you.
In other words, the quality of your life is actually determined by your reaction to what has happened to you, as you can’t really control what happens in your life, but you can always control how you react to things.
Let me explain.
Based on this illustration, it can be seen that the light blue area is exactly where anxiety and stress come from: When you are trying to control things that are outside your control, you feel anxious and highly stressed.
I’m not saying what your husband has done is right. I mean you can only influence his behavior, but you can’t control his behavior. Here is the real marriage dynamics:
When you have a new mindset, your mindset determines your behavior. Your behavior influences your husband’s behavior to some degree, but your behavior can’t control his behavior.
Proven affair recovery help resources to help you heal
Here is a list of affair recovery resources that can certainly provide you with the best support during this difficult time.
1) Infidelity Recovery Center: This platform was created by Dr. Bob Huizenga, a professional Infidelity Coach who helps the betrayed spouse to recover from the trauma.
Bob is licensed by the State of Michigan as a Marriage and Family Therapist and has been helping couples to recovery from affairs since 1981.
Bob shares with his clients the 5 Levels of Recovery, an online program that has helped thousands of satisfied and thankful individuals.
2) Break Free from the Affair: This is a coaching program offered by Dr. Bob Huizenga. Bob provides clients with telephone and Skype coaching sessions, so if you are looking to get some one-on-one professional coaching or consultation with a certified therapist, this website is the ideal place to find exactly what you are looking for.
3) Marriage Max: This website is run by Mort Fertel, a world authority on the psychology of marriages and relationships. He has an international reputation for saving marriages.
Mort created a relationship renewal system called Marriage Fitness which has been used by millions of people in marital crisis. In addition, he has an online program called Lone Ranger Track which gives people a path to reconciliation.
His Marriage Fitness Tele-Bootcamp is the world’s most comprehensive program that supports couples through difficult times.
In conclusion, modern women definitely have many more options than women in the 50s and 60s because nowadays women have more opportunities to change their lives.
Indeed, when you have more options, you become more resilient if your husband cheats on you, for you don’t have to financially depend on him 100% and he isn’t the only source of your happiness.
Better still, there are a wide variety of affair recovery resources that have been proven to be helpful, therapeutic and beneficial; therefore, you would be well-advised to use professional services that can definitely help you recover from this trauma.
You are not alone, and you don’t have to do this alone. After going through this type of difficulty in your life, you absolutely deserve the best affair recovery support in the world.