We all hate rules, but if you’re married, there may come a point when there are a certain few to abide by. That point comes when your marriage is starting to falter and you’re not sure how to go about the tricky process of fixing things before it’s too late. Sometimes we all wish we could we could go back to the days of getting engaged, when the only problems we really had were deciding the wedding venue and looking for bars in Bratislava for the bachelor party. However, you can’t go back, and you have to face your problems head on.
Here we have some of the most effective rules of marriage, culled from the vast resources of the internet, just for you.
See if you can’t incorporate a few this week, even if you don’t yet see any signs of danger in your own marriage. However, if you do begin to witness danger signs within your marriage, you may want to seek some further advice from somewhere like Reignite The Fire, a website that specializes in providing relationship advice and support.
It could mean the difference between never having to worry about saving your marriage in the first place!
#1. You Should Aim for a Red-Hot Marriage
In “50 Shades of Marriage”, Blogger Dave Willis advises us to do a lot of things to keep a marriage hot… 50, in fact! In a tribute the movie 50 Shades of Grey, he cites quick marriage tips ranging from the mundane (“wear your wedding ring”) to some that are pretty smart (“Turn off your phones and TV at least 30 minutes every night for uninterrupted conversation.”). The idea is that marriage should always be hot.
Probably the best one is this:
39. Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you’ve given your best to everyone else.
That’s so true- we often take our partners for granted, acting selfishly and forgetting they are special and should be treated with respect.
#2. Sometimes Clichés Work
Nobody likes tired old advice, but sometimes we have to admit it works. After all, sometimes cliches survive the years because there’s truth in old wisdom! In an article entitled “12 Pieces of Cliched Marriage Advice That Actually Hold True“, Alex Alexander offers up some golden oldies.
One cliche that works is be polite …in everyday life as well as when you’re fighting. During arguments, ditch the name-calling and don’t interrupt. For other times, show respect with manners.
Another theme he hits on several times is to remember to have fun and keep trying new things.
“Discoveries you make together will keep you feeling close.”
-Alex Alexander
#3. There are Mainly Just Two Big Issues in a Marriage
Even old hands at surviving the ups and downs of marriage can benefit from a refresher course on the big two issues causing problems in most marriages. They are:
- Communication. Marriage takes work, and that means communication.
- Finances. A difference in the way you both view financial matters can wreak havoc on a relationship.
In a roundup of opinions on these two marriage matters entitled “Marriage Week: What Are The Biggest Issues In A Marriage And How Can You Fix It?”, it’s suggested that any couple can benefit from touching upon these two issues from time to time.
“It can be a good idea to sit down with your partner or spouse, say once a week and talk about what’s bothering you and discuss it in a rational and reasonable way“
-Michael Kallenbach
#4. It’s Important to Know Why Women Sometimes Cheat
In what might be the most overlooked topic in marriage counseling, the reasons behind why women cheat are important to know. Why? Because knowing is preventing! The reasons men cheat are pretty well-known (want something different, wife is pregnant/unattractive to me ..blahh blah blah). But women?
In an article called “Why Women Cheat: 5 Reasons for Female Infidelity”, Robert Weiss breaks it down.
Truth is, women cheat too, and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we may be able to save our own marriage simply by recognizing what can happen. As it turns out, women cheat for a whole different set of reasons than men. Sometimes this can be due to some issues downstairs after children and if that is the case it might be a good idea to give manjakani a go. It’ll repair some of the damage that childbirth does to the body.
And it’s not what you think! Of all the reasons women cheat, they all boil down to:
“In truth, some women cheat because they receive little sex or physical intimacy from their spouse.”
-Robert Weiss, Senior Vice President of Clinical Development, Elements Behavioral Health
#5. It’s Key to Know Why Couples Get Divorced
For the same reasons it’s good to know why women cheat, it’s also good to understand why people get divorced. Of course there are gazillions of reasons, but there are 5 red flags to watch out for, which are almost always present in couples who eventually get a divorce if nothing is done to fix the issues.
In an article entitled, “What Causes Divorce: 5 Red Flags to Watch Out For”, Steve Mindel offers a quick guide he developed after working as a family law attorney for more than a quarter of a century. The most insightful observation:
“If you begin to pick on the little things like him blowing his nose too loudly, her sarcastically commenting, “You’re not going to wear that again, are you?” If you begin to degrade one another and do so regularly, you can be sure your relationship is going to hit the wall. “
A Save the Marriage System You Can Wrap Your Brain Around…
If you’d like to know more about how to save your marriage, then you’ll find this interesting:
There’s a Save the Marriage System developed by a PhD Marriage Therapist who spent nearly 20 years listening to thousands of married couples facing not only infidelity but all sorts of issues.
His system is based on what he found to work for his clients, after years of careful observation.
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