Your Husband Cheated On You. You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

husband cheated

Are the disturbing images of your husband with his lover haunting you?

Do you find yourself visually imagining your husband being with his lover, over and over again.

Learning that your husband has cheated on you can leave you feeling desperately unhappy, lonely and yearning for simpler times.

A happily married couple shares extraordinary intimacy, both physical and mental. But in the aftermath of his betrayal, you find yourself plagued with visual images of the affair that haunt you day and night.

Obviously, you need to find a way to stop obsessively imagining how it was when your husband took his lover in his arms. That way lies madness.


Imagining your husband lying in bed entwined with his lover is a normal thing to do after learning of his affair. You may also imagine him speaking with his lover over coffee or sitting in a movie theater sharing popcorn with her – the list goes on and on.

Remember that you are imagining events that did not occur exactly as you see them in your mind’s eye – and actively work to stop this sad-making habit.

Teach yourself to do something when you begin to imagine his affair; do 10 jumping jacks, bake some cookies, meditate, call a friend, play with a child or do whatever distracts you.

It may not seem like it now, but if you consistently distract yourself from visualizing your husband with his ex-lover, you will be able to move on. Deepak Chopra, cofounder of the Chopra Foundation, suggests that we interrupt our negative thought patterns by setting a concrete plan in action in response to them.

Related:  My Husband Cheated on Me: How do I Stop Feeling Unworthy and Insecure?

Creating a plan

While distracting yourself from hurtful thoughts is a useful tactic, you do need a strategy for dealing with the origins of these thoughts. You may be worried that your husband no longer loves you, that he will have another affair as soon as the opportunity presents itself, or that you can no longer trust your best friend.

You can take steps to rebuild the trust you and your husband once had, if you are both willing. The excellent “The First Step to Surviving Infidelity” program provides some concrete steps on how to deal with the mess of emotions you have to deal with after an affair has rocked your marriage.

An affair can leave both you and your husband feeling adrift, unsure what to do next. Putting together a plan that you both commit to following can push away some of that uncertainty and help you to see what a future together – post affair – might look like.

Forgive your husband

Sure, you may feel like pulling your husband’s hair out or kicking him out of your bed or leaving him to eat dinner on his own but these are not helpful things. If you love your husband and you believe that he loves you, forgive him. Do it for you. Carrying around resentment can raise your stress level, increase your blood pressure, cause you to abuse alcohol and more.

Forgiveness may require some couples therapy or an innovative marriage bootcamp like the one available here. If you actively decide, as a couple or on your own, to save your marriage, you should use all the tools that are available to you. Also, forgiving your husband will help you to dispel the hurtful images that flit across your brain now and then.

Related:  Finding Yourself After Being Blindsided by His Affair: 5 Ways to Walk in Peace and Harmony

If at first you don’t succeed

You are navigating through uncharted waters; if you have to make some adjustments to your plan, do so. You may find a therapist that you respond to but your husband doesn’t. Maybe you could have a few solo sessions while your husband seeks out a therapist that he believes he could work with?

You might find the idea of a marriage bootcamp more appealing than couples therapy. If you continue to try new things, you will boost your chances of success.

Are you ready to give them up?

It takes time to get to the point where those painful images in your head go away completely or at least diminished in their intensity to haunt you. You really can’t stop the images from coming. But you can replace those negative images with more positive ones and also make a deliberate effort to not dwell on them.

I know it’s tough to deal with those recurring images of your husband and his lover. But if you want to break free from the haunting fantasies, you must be willing to let go, give them up and not hold on to them as a justification for your pain.

4 thoughts on “Your Husband Cheated On You. You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

  1. How can I leave that behind when I pass the area she lives and he stopped by every day, before and after, how if she called me and explained to me everything in detail, how to look passed it when I remember his words when I asked him how he managed “you trusted me that’s how I was able to go on with the affair”, and how if he shared with her all out most deepest and personal matters, work, family etc.????

    • I hear you MI, it is not easy. Trust is a huge part of a relationship and the easiest thing to break and the hardest to rebuild. Some things that might help is asking yourself why you want to stay in the marriage. Once you are able to answer that question I would then challenge you to take a look at yourself and ask yourself how much control do I have over this situation and is this something that you are truly able to work pass. remember you can’t change what happen but you definitely are entitle to feel what you are feeling. When he says “you trusted me” what I hear him say is him putting the blame on you for his affair. This was not on you.. This was on him and him alone.

      best of luck

  2. I recently found out my husband was cheating with my best friend’s friend which I also know just not very well. I can’t get it out of my mind!! I just can’t understand what I did for him to decide to be with another woman!! I’ve tried to put it out of my head it seems impossible though. I feel as if maybe he’s not attracted to me anymore, we’ve been together 20 years now. But the woman he cheated with is nothing like me at all. I mean I know I’m not a beauty queen but this woman is three times my size!!! Nothing against big women by any means!! But come on, I have always told him that if he feels the need to cheat on me to at least please upgrade from me. I am trying my absolute best to get over the situation but I want to know what happened!!! I want to know every detail of every little thing they did together so just maybe I can quit imagining what did or did not happen between them!!!!

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