Perhaps you never really thought about having an affair but then found yourself intensely attracted to the new guy in the office – the playful, quick-witted, handsome one that you have been working so closely with – and you lost your bearings.
Whatever your specific situation looks like, you had the affair that you never thought you’d have.
And you really want your husband back. You want to earn back his trust.
You Have Hurt Your Husband
Hurting your husband feels horrible. The likelihood is that you never intended to hurt him, but you have. You owe your husband an honest and open conversation about why you had your affair; while you need not linger on hurtful details, you do need to honestly and openly answer any questions that your husband has. Try to see your role as that of a healer, as a supportive wife helping the man you love move forward. It should be more about him than you in the beginning.
Be Honest With Yourself
Do you know why you had an affair? It is important that you do, if you hope to make a real commitment to your husband. Robert Weiss, the founding director of The Sexual Recovery Institute, reports that women who have affairs are often seeking intimacy, both physical and emotional. If you want to achieve a higher level of intimacy with your husband, you need to tell him that you do. A professional counselor like Dr. Frank Gunzburg at www.marriagesherpa.com can help you and your husband to find a way to communicate your needs to each other.
Take Steps to End Your Affair – Seriously
You love your husband and you want him to trust you again. You want to build a better marriage than you had before your affair. Though your husband may not be willing or able to speak about your affair and how it has affected him, not yet. Silence and chilliness between you and your mate may leave you quite tempted to contact your lover. Just to speak about how you are feeling. Back away from your cell phone. Contacting your ex-lover makes it far less likely that you will make things right with your husband.
Explore Your Husbands Needs
Find a way to let your husband know that you are ready and willing to work with him to build a stronger marriage. If he tells you that he needs time to process his thoughts, give him this time. Suggest that the two of you get some professional help so that you can move forward in a way that is not destructive but positive. Did you know that there is a bootcamp for couples who find themselves in your situation? Visit www.marriagemax.com to learn about a creative way to bring you closer to each other.
Boundaries are Positive
Your husband likely feels overwhelmed about what he sees as a betrayal and the frightening prospect of losing you. This said, you need to be aware that you are partners in your marriage and you have to be respectful of each other and of the reasonable boundaries that two people should set for each other.
For example, if your husband insists on repeatedly revisiting why you had your affair or how you feel about your ex-lover or other difficult subjects, it may be best to enter therapy or a program such as the inventive ones put forward in this article. Why? You and your husband can learn how to speak about your affair in such a way that allows you to move forward together in trust – no clandestine peaks at cell phone logs or pointed questions about working late allowed.
To show your spouse that you are sincere in trying to regain his trust means that you have to become trust-worthy and transparent or in other words become an open book. Rebuilding trust is a long term effort and you have to be willing to stick it out.
By the way, if you really want to know how to earn back your husband’s trust, checkout this free Podcast: “What About Trust?: Restoring And Rebuilding.” In this Podcast you are going to learn what to do to rebuild the trust with your husband.