Dealing with infidelity and its aftermath in your relationship is one of life’s most stressful experiences. Just the thought of the most important person in your life being unfaithful to you can and does send you into a tailspin of negative feelings and emotions. You know that you need to end the season of pain, stop obsessing about the details and move on with your spouse to start over, but what roadblocks are standing in your way and preventing you from repairing your relationship after cheating and moving forward with your life?
There are certain barriers to healing your relationship after cheating that need to be taken down and some essential things that need to be in place before you can start healing and rebuilding.
1. Does my Spouse Still Love me?
After the affair, you may be wondering if your spouse still loves you or has the loving feelings died in your relationship. Your partner’s cheating does not necessarily mean that they are no longer in love with you. Your disloyal spouse may be feeling confused and lost because of the affair, but those loving feelings may be buried deep down inside and just need to be rekindled again.
2. No Genuine Remorse From Your Disloyal Spouse
Most likely you are waiting to hear a heartfelt apology and see genuine remorse in him. You want to see what is he doing in a concrete way to demonstrate that he is changing his ways and is no longer being deceitful. You want him to feel truly sorry for the pain he has caused you, own up to what he has done, change the behavior and to be held accountable for his actions. Your cheating spouse’s lack of seeming not to be remorseful, can leave you feeling stuck and unable to move on.
3. Loss of or Low Self-Esteem and Self-Doubts
As the injured spouse, your mind is bombarded – sometimes on a daily basis – with negative thoughts, images and feelings about yourself, your spouse with his paramour and your marriage. You are struggling with insecurity and your self-esteem has taken a dive. You imagine that the paramour must have been better than you and that your partner must have really enjoyed her company and conversation. Try as you might, you don’t know how to stop reliving the affair in your head. Until you learn how to manage these runaway thoughts, you will have no peace in your own mind.
4. Loss of Trust
After being lied to, cheated on, and deceived, the trust in your marriage is gone. The one person whom you felt you could trust with every ounce of your being and never have to worry about has betrayed you. How could you ever feel completely safe and trusting again with your disloyal spouse who did such a terrible thing? You can rebuild the trust in your relationship but it is going to take a long time.
5. Break Down in Communication
In the aftermath of an affair it is typical for communication to become strained or shut down in a relationship. Most conversations are characterized by angry words and shouting matches. Even though you know that you two need to talk, the affair feelings gets in the way. As hard as it is, both of you need to reopen the lines of communication at some point if it is your desire to save your marriage.
Repairing your relationship after cheating and dealing with all the negative aspects of infidelity can take a toll on your emotional and physical well-being. That is why you need to take immediate steps to start the recovery process. Indecision in situations like these can often times be your worst enemy. Seek marriage counseling, read books, sign up for an online program, either individually or as a couple, but do get some help to guide you through this ugly situation.