5 Ways to Embrace the Uncertain Path of Rebuilding Your Relationship After She Cheated on You

 

after she cheated on you

It never feels good when you find out your wife has been unfaithful. There are so many emotions that come out and just as many questions.

You find yourself wondering what was real and what was a lie. You ponder over whether or not you can ever forgive her for doing what she did. Then there is the moment when she realizes her mistake and come back wanting to try again.

How do you even deal with something like that?

There are those that would never take back a cheating spouse. In their minds, they have justified once a cheater always a cheater.

But sometimes the love, commitment, time, effort and tears are worth trying again.

So how do you go about rebuilding your relationship after she cheated on you? How do you embrace the uncertain path that now lies before you?

Here are five ways that you can embrace this new journey and start rebuilding your relationship after her betrayal.

Step #1: Set Boundaries

There is a fine line that is drawn once you have decided to rebuild your relationship with a partner who has cheated. That line is the rules that you both now have to live by in order to make the relationship work. Without rules and boundaries, things can quickly get off course again.

When you are setting these boundaries you have to realize that maybe these rules are what set your wife on the path she was on. So you have to be willing to compromise and not be so clingy or domineering.

You have to both be willing and able to live by these new rules and you have to have consequences in place should one or both break the rules.

The key to setting up your boundaries is communication. You have to be honest with each other in what you want to see happen over time. You need to set up short term goals and long term goals to make the relationship work.

Plus, you need to listen to what she has to say too. You can’t be on a high horse and feel justified by giving your wife a new boundary because she cheated. Start small with the short term plans and go from there.

This stage is all about regaining the trust in the relationship.

Step #2: Honesty Really is the Best Policy

Honesty works both ways. You can’t start lying to her just because she cheated on you. You have to be transparent and open about everything. This includes your feelings that you may feel uncomfortable sharing.

But in order to restore your relationship, you have to open up. You can’t keep things bottled in. If it bugs you that she drinks from the milk carton tell her so. Don’t hold anything in anymore. Now is not the time to keep things from each other.

During this time you most likely have to lead by example and start the conversation. In order to successfully navigate this area, you should both sit down and make a list of your likes and dislikes about the relationship and each other.

If there is something that irritates you, let her know. Just don’t be surprised if she also has a list a mile long of things that irritate her. This is an open door policy where you are going to have to build a ‘safe zone’ so that both of you can speak freely.

The only way to rebuild your relationship after cheating is by doing the small things. This means you will need to rebuild everything brick by brick.

Consider this the dating phase where you have to get to know her again. Pretend that you never met before and everything is fresh and new. Start from scratch, but this time, be honest and transparent and hold nothing back.

Step #3: Sex and Candy

Now that you are “dating” again and are rebuilding everything back up you may wonder when to add sex into the equation. The answer isn’t always black and white.

You may think that you both are ready, but when things start getting hot and heavy thoughts and feelings pop up that may ruin the night. Instead of jumping into the sack with one another, talk about it first.

Ask each other questions about how they want it. It could be the whole reason she left was she wanted kinky and you were too boring or vice versa.

Don’t assume that you can just jump back into the saddle right away. Prolong the experience and hold off on reconnecting in that way until you are 100% certain that you are mended.

It will take time and patience and a lot of cold showers. But the longer you hold off on getting intimate the more powerful it will be when you finally do.

Step #4: Leap of Faith

At some point, you both will have talked yourself silly. You may think that there is nothing else under the sun that you can put on the table. When that moment finally comes you will find yourself at a crossroad.

You can either a) forgive and forget or b) walk away and move on.

If you have taken the time to rebuild your relationship, then you know it is worth saving. Now all you have to do is let go of all the negativity. This will be the hardest part.

There will always be that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that questions what she was doing when she wasn’t with you. But you have to let that part go or you will be the reason for the breakup this time.

Step #5: Reality Check

Once you become comfortable with your wife again you both have to sit down and re-evaluate your relationship. This step is an ongoing process to help keep the relationship fresh and new. If you become too complacent with how things are, then she might get bored.

You have to keep renewing. That means if something in the relationship isn’t working, tear it down and start fresh. You have already proven that this relationship is worth fighting for, or else you would have walked away a long time ago.

Every so often take the time to talk about how you feel about the relationship and where you want it to go. Go back to the “dating phase” when you are doing your reality check and keep things open.

There may be things that need to change or polished. Never settle always evolve and never let your relationship grow stale.

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