With Marriage, Sometimes It’s the Little Things That Make All the Difference!
Marriage is a funny thing: it’s the most exciting time of your life at first, and seems to take on a life of its own. Love propels you with its own energy, from first kiss right on through your first year of wedded bliss.
But what comes so easily and naturally at first won’t always be that way. After the glow wears off, marriage actually takes a little effort.
Recharge Your Marriage
Sometimes it’s the little things that can make all the difference in a marriage. In fact, it’s just as necessary to recharge a marriage as it is a cell phone. As Dave Willis says in his article on ways to recharge your marriage daily:
“When something is important to us, we need to make sure it stays charged up.”
Things like going to bed the same time, for example, can lead to pillow talk. How about a foot rub? Touch is important in so many ways- and not just sexual touch. Some other little ways to recharge:
- turn in at the same time
- keep negative words to a minimum- you’re supposed to be each other’s biggest fans, not harshest critics
- turn off our phones while you’re at home together
- flirt, pray, laugh and learn
Why It’s Important to Recharge Your Marriage
Let’s hope you’ll never know, but one of the reasons we think of marriage as something you should occasionally revitalize is to avoid problems like infidelity.
Unfortunately however, chances are pretty good that you may run into cheating at some point. According to the experts at PsychCentral, 60% of men and 40% of women will cheat at some point. Of course if that happens to you, there will be all sorts of emotions such as anger and panic.
But did you know many couples also feel shame? As the folks at PsychCentral explain it, it’s because…
“…People have a tendency to wind and rewind the movie reels of their lives, looking for blame; they will often feel as if they had messed up somewhere.”
What to Do If Infidelity Strikes Your Marriage
So, what’s a couple to do if they do eventually experience infidelity? There’s what’s called an “initial crisis period”, followed by several stages during which the couple can work together to rebuild trust. There are, in all, 8 steps of discovering and dealing with infidelity.
No matter what stage you’re in, one thing never to do is ask the cheating spouse to “make a choice” between his or her spouse and the other man or woman. Why?
“When a betrayed spouse gives his or her partner time to choose between the marriage and an extramarital lover, he or she sets up an unwinnable situation.”
The idea is not to think of the cheating spouse as someone you must “win” but rather someone who must work hard to regain your trust.
How to Mend After Someone Cheats
Over at Huffington Post they’ve got ways you and your spouse can work together so that trust is restored. One of the smartest things you can do is seek help. Cheating is a severe blow to any marriage, so don’t expect healing to come easy or fast…and of course don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance. A therapist or counselor can not only help you rebuild trust, but also help you understand why infidelity occurred in the first place.
It’s going to take some serious inward-looking soul searching work, so it’s completely natural to have some help.
“Rebuilding your relationship will involve deep introspection to discover what motivated the infidelity in the first place. Make a list of questions to ask your spouse after infidelity so you can dig deeper and find out what caused the problem.”
Why Cheating Happens
Of course rebuilding trust doesn’t always work out, even if you do get professional help from a counselor. One woman shares the insights gained after her husband of 10 years cheated on her.
Surprisingly, her thoughts reflect mistakes she made rather than the wrongs her cheating husband dumped on the marriage. She looks at her divorce as a failure of marriage, not the isolated event of her husband’s cheating. It takes two to kill a marriage, and her therapist helped her see things in a broader perspective. As she puts it:
“I deflected any and all culpability in the failure of my marriage for months, holding on to the picture I painted of myself as the gentle, selfless and long-suffering wife.”
Her 4 “wife mistakes” ranged from putting the children first to emasculating him in several ways. Stomping on your spouse’s ego day after day is one sure-fire way to put your marriage on the road to failure. It’s also a very common way in which to emasculate your husband, and she cites this as a major “offense” of her own which helped to end her own marriage.
How About You?
How about you? Do you have your own ways of keeping your marriage healthy and strong? Just remember, a few little changes can go a long way towards securing a happy relationship that lasts forever.
Even if you mess up and someone cheats, it’s not too late to save your marriage. If a therapist can’t help you, sometimes help in a different form can work.
If you could use guidance after someone cheats in your marriage, click here for a complete Save the Marriage system that so many couples have used to rebuild that all-important trust.