I’m going to give you some ideas on how to rekindle a marriage and keep the romance going.
This is for you…
… if you’re suffering inside an unhealthy relationship,
… helplessly watching as the love and happiness you once felt in each other’s arms dissolved as the mundane necessities of every day married life or even infidelity — slowly crept in, took over, and tore apart your relationship.
It doesn’t have to be that way!
What if you could reignite the spark, passion and love your relationship once enjoyed?
It can be, if you know what steps to take in rebuilding intimacy in your marriage and finally get the relationship you desire.
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In this article, you will learn about the best ways of restoring the fire in your relationship and keep it burning for a very long time.
You’ll discover how to:
- Bring the passion back by “courting” each other
- Communicate with your spouse in ways that show you care
- Avoid communicating in ways that diminish your romance
- Strengthen your romantic ties by learning more about your spouse
- Being vulnerable and opening up emotionally with your love
- Building intimacy exercises/ideas to achieve true intimacy in your union
- Using your body language to fan the flames of romance
- Scheduling for special time together just for fun
I encourage you to read this article with an open mind and take action to try out some of these tips and suggestions in your own personal relationship.
Once you do, you will quickly notice the romance becoming as powerful as it used to be.
(In addition to the tips below, this proven resource can help you to get more romance and passion in your life. They have helped many marriages just like yours. You can learn more about The Formula to Respark The Romance by clicking here.)
Let’s get started.
How to bring passion back into your marriage by “courting” each other
Many couples get distracted by their everyday responsibilities, such as work, kids, school, etc. As a result, they find very little time to devote to each other and sustain the relationship’s excitement.
For this reason, partners need to court one another on a daily basis. This means treating your partner the same way you did before you were married. Take them out, buy them presents, kiss them a lot, etc.
So how do you “court” your spouse? Try these ways:
1. Keep your love relationship in the forefront of your mind. Even though you have jobs and kids, you still deserve to think about each other in ways that encourage romantic feelings.
- Ponder often about how you got together.
- Reflect on the “story” of your early budding love.
- Recall all those emotions you felt when you first met.
2. Plan to have fun together. Spend time alone together simply to enjoy yourselves as a couple. Doing so will take effort but if you both share the responsibility for the planning, you’ll have wonderful experiences together.
- The bonus is it’s a fantastic way to stay connected.
3. Use charm. When you’re charming toward another human being, it shows that you think they’re worth your time and effort.
So what does it mean to be charming?
When you show charm, you’re making an effort to be interesting, fascinating, and even beguiling toward your partner. You want to enhance your lover’s interest in you.
- When you use charm, your partner will find you very romantic.
4. Ask your love for a date. They’ll be thrilled you have something in mind – perhaps even anticipate with excitement what you have planned.
5. Do the things together you enjoyed as a new couple. If you both loved dinner out followed by a movie when you first started going out, then plan to do those activities at least every month.
Maybe taking bike rides or going to flea markets was an important aspect in your early relationship.
If so, indulge in those activities.
- You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how doing the things you used to enjoy can revive your romantic passions toward each other.
6. Flirt. Get that look in your eye. When you’re on your date, playfully tease about what you did last night. Better yet, say you can’t wait until tonight.
7. Give occasional surprise gifts. Such gifts don’t have to be expensive. Keep in mind the whole idea of a gift is, “I was thinking of you and wanted you to have this” rather than, “Look how much money I spent on you.”
It’s very sweet to give your spouse a gift for no reason other than you love them.
As you continue to court one another, the romance will feel fresh and new all over again.
“The word ‘romance,’ according to the dictionary, means excitement, adventure, and something extremely real. Romance should last a lifetime.” ~ Billy Graham
Communicate with your spouse in ways that show you care
It is not enough to just talk with your partner about any topic for the sake of talking. You need to express your love and feelings for your partner through passionate and heartfelt communication.
Here are some strategies to pull this off effectively:
1. Focus your attention on your lover when she’s talking. When your partner is expressing something to you and you make a concerted effort to listen to what she’s saying, it will make her love for you soar. Drop what you’re doing and see what’s on her mind.
- Are your eyes looking only at her when she speaks?
- Do you turn down the television and show that she’s your first
- Say something like “I see what you mean” to show your interest.
2. When you’re talking, use moderated voice tones. By moderated, we mean friendly and not too loud in volume. Sometimes, what you’re trying to get across doesn’t quite make it due to the volume of your voice or the particular expression in it.
Strive to speak in a low volume.
Besides, isn’t it a bit sexy to get close when you’re conversing with your special someone?
3. Be courteous. Remember how you behaved during your developing relationship? Remind yourself to always be courteous to your mate, whether you’re on a date or simply at home together. The concept and use of courtesy can erode during a long-term love relationship.
- If you keep courtesy in your mind when you’re communicating, you’ll experience a much closer relationship.
When talking to your partner, what you say and how you say it is of equal importance. If you practice utilizing these communication methods daily, your romantic lives should be greatly improved.
Just spend one week trying out these strategies and see how it goes.
At the end of the week, you should notice a big difference in the level of romance in your relationship.
Avoid communicating in ways that diminish your romance
Obviously, you cannot effectively communicate with your better half if the two of you are always arguing. It is very important that you try to avoid angrily arguing with your partner at any cost. This won’t be easy, but you can learn how to tactfully handle and sidestep negative communication.
Use these strategies to avoid communicating in an argumentative way and hurting your relationship in the process:
1. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Avoid manipulating your partner to get what you want. Instead, be honest and open about what you want. Share your ideas and how you really feel.
- Use tact and courtesy while making your point to your lover. After all, it’s your lover you’re talking to – the person you love most.
2. Monitor your own feelings during discussions. Have you noticed, for example, that every time your spouse mentions cleaning the garage, you kind of smirk and roll your eyes?
Such visceral reactions are your cues to figure out what you’re actually feeling. Maybe you’re annoyed because the issue was brought up once again.
The key is to identify what you’re feeling, determine why you feel that way, and figure out something you can do in this situation to experience more positive feelings.
It’s important to understand your feelings, because otherwise, you could find yourself in the middle of an argument and not even know how you got there. To make your relationship sizzle, stay in touch with how you feel.
3. Watch your tone. Nothing will prevent your lover from hearing what you’re saying like a disturbing tone of voice. When you use care with your tone, it shows. Your partner will appreciate it.
4. Take a time-out. If you tend to get all steamed up as discussions escalate, have the initiative to take a break. Simply state, “I need a break to re-focus. Let’s talk about it after dinner.” You could also add that you’re interested in negotiating a successful resolution.
- When you’re excusing yourself from a heated debate, use an “I” statement and a feeling word to explain to your partner what’s going on with you. Then, state when you’re willing to return and finish the discussion.
5. Share what you’re noticing about your partner’s emotions. When you’re engaged in a lively discussion, if you hear “that tone” in your lover’s voice or see he’s no longer making eye contact with you, mention it.
Say something like, “I’m concerned because I can tell that you’re annoyed with me about something.”
Making an open statement like this one allows a brief “break” in the exchange and gives your partner an opportunity to articulate what he’s feeling and why.
6. State the obvious. Whenever it’s apparent you aren’t getting anything accomplished during your “spirited” conversation, say it.
- For example, say something like, “I don’t think we’re actually solving anything right now. Let’s table the issue for now to give us each time to think about this situation.”
7. Stop talking. If you find yourself in the middle of an argument and aren’t sure how to stop it, simply stop talking. The fact is that it’s impossible for one person to argue. If just one of you steps up and decides to stop responding, the negative situation will often fizzle out.
Disagreements are always to be expected between partners. But that doesn’t mean they need to turn into arguments or aggressive debates. If you can collect yourself and stay calm when disagreements occur, your partner will appreciate your maturity and strength.
This will increase their respect and love for you, causing them to feel an even closer emotional connection to you.
Strengthen your romantic ties by learning more about your spouse
You can spend several years in a relationship and still learn new things about your partner every day. Don’t assume you know all there is to know about your spouse as there is always something new to learn about them.
A huge advantage of having a long-term relationship is to find out interesting things about your partner that you didn’t know before. This will keep the excitement alive and sustain the romantic interest that you have in each other.
Take a look at these suggestions of how you can learn more about your partner to enhance your romantic connection with them.
1. What does your partner like to do in his spare time? When there are no demands placed on your partner, watch him to see what he chooses to do. Simple observation will reveal quite a bit. What does he loved to be involved with?
2. What are your partner’s comments? Noticing what she says, how she says it, and how she reacts to certain people, places, and things will provide you with the knowledge you need to keep your love life glowing.
3. Think of new ways to get to know your partner. Consider these questions to discover new info about your partner:
- What does she think about certain politicians?
- Who’s her favorite newscaster?
- What are his hopes and dreams for the future?
- Where does she want to be in five years?
4. Ask their opinion about specific people, places, and situations. Inquire about their view regarding a famous court case, a recent arrest of a celebrity, or a sensational event in the news. You’ll learn a lot about your spouse as you ask about such issues over time, and this helps to solidify your relationship as you grow and change together.
If you spend the extra time to learn new things about your partner, it will give you new ideas on how to spice up the romance in the relationship.
“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” ~ Bruce Lee
Being vulnerable and opening up emotionally with your love
If both partners are open and honest with each other about their true feelings, it makes their bond so much closer. This is what leads to romance.
If you have trouble finding the right things to say to your partner, here are some tips to help you with this:
1. Be clear with yourself about what you’re feeling. Step one is to know how you’re feeling before you can honestly share it with your special someone.
2. Just be honest. State “I’m disappointed that we didn’t go to the movies last night” rather than “We always do everything you want to do.” The first statement shares your true feelings while the second is more of an attack on your partner. You stand a real chance of enriching your level of romance if you’re honest about your own feelings.
3. Recognize and accept your vulnerability. When you share your true emotions with someone, you’re in a vulnerable position. You’ve probably figured out that the more a person knows how you really feel about something, the likelier it is that he or she could somehow use it against you.
- However, you must consider that the vulnerabilities of love are small compared to the joys you’ll experience from a meaningful love relationship.
Romance is about putting yourself totally into the relationship. That is how you will receive good rewards from it. Being open with your emotions might make you feel vulnerable and afraid, but you must learn to push through those negative feelings and do it.
This will boost the romance and love that you two have for one another.
Building intimacy exercises/ideas to achieve true intimacy in your union
When people think of intimacy, they often think of something sexual. Although intimacy can refer to sexual activities, it can also describe the deep emotional connection that you have with your partner. This is a feeling of warmth and familiarity that you two have for no one else but each other.
Once this type of intimacy is achieved, the sexual relationship that you two have will be better too. Every loving relationship needs to have true intimacy. Then you can make anything happen.
As time goes on, those shared romantic feelings will only grow bigger and become more intense.
Below are strategies for enhancing the intimacy between you and your partner:
1. Touch each other often when you’re together. Although we’re not actually talking about getting sexual here, you can include sensual touch in your efforts to increase intimacy. When you physically touch throughout the day, you’ll find that you think about your partner more and feel closer.
2. Make contact with your partner throughout your day, if possible. Even if you both work full-time, you can find bits of time and create pathways to touch base. For example, call each other during your breaks.
Send a quick “love text.” You might even type up a short but sexy e-mail, as long as you’re not using your business’s equipment or network to do so.
The subject of your contacts ideally should be about you. You could say something like, “I can’t wait to see you tonight” or “I’m supposed to be thinking about work but all I’m doing is thinking about you.”
3. Write love notes. For a wonderfully easy way to show your feelings of closeness to your partner, write a love note and stash it somewhere where they’ll find it. Whether it’s a quick “I can’t wait to see you” note placed in her lunch bag or an “I loved our weekend together” note in his briefcase or car, using love notes will heat things up between you.
Buy a greeting card that expresses your love, add your own words, and mail it to them, either at work or at home. It’s such a sweet thing to do and your partner will love the fact that you planned ahead to send special love wishes.
You could even write a full-fledged love letter, passionately explaining how you feel about him and place it on his pillow where he’ll find it at bedtime. Who wouldn’t want to find an intimate letter from their lover as night falls?
4. Give compliments. Man or woman, we all want to hear words about what we’re doing right. You’ll enhance your romance whenever you tell her she looks great in red, you love the way she handled your son’s misbehavior, or she did a great job washing the car for you.
When you give a compliment, focus on making it from the heart.
And give them often.
5. Show appreciation. Recognize what your partner does for you on a day-to-day basis. Notice those things by thanking them or saying specifically what you appreciate.
6. Have flowers delivered or bring them home. This one is an old “stand-by.” However, it usually works to bring on the fire. Nothing says “I love you” like a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Sending or bringing home flowers shows your lover that you were thinking about her.
Flowers are a great “intimacy booster.”
7. Speak your partner’s name. Although it’s okay to use a pet name from time to time, nothing says intimacy like saying your partner’s name to them. When we hear our name spoken by a person that we love, it sounds new every time and feels marvelous.
8. Take a real interest in your partner’s work and hobbies. Show that you find most everything about your partner fascinating. Of course, you might not love those things in the same way your partner does.
But the fact is you stand to learn a lot about new topics when you work to find something of interest to you related to your spouse’s work and hobbies.
And he’ll likely feel closer to you when you demonstrate you want to know how his fishing trip went, what his golf score was, or how his garden is growing. Since that’s your goal—to increase the closeness and intimacy, you’ll be one step closer to successfully revving up the romance in your relationship.
9. Help your partner. Nothing brings on feelings of love and care like spontaneously offering help. “You’ve got a lot to do today. I’ll cook dinner” is very romantic. Try it and see.
10. Spend more time kissing. Kissing is under-rated. Definitely kiss more often.
There are so many ways to boost intimacy. Let the strategies listed above give you the inspiration and motivation to work toward this goal.
“When he kisses you he isn’t doing anything else. You’re his whole universe…and the moment is eternal because he doesn’t have any plans and isn’t going anywhere. Just kissing you…it’s overwhelming.” ~ Robert Heinlein
Using your body language to fan the flames of romance
Your body movements make up your body language. This is how you can express yourself to others without words. If you want to show your partner how much they mean to you, then you can use body language to accomplish this.
Below are some ways to use body language to express your love and affection:
1. Hold hands in public. Whether you’re going for a walk together or shopping at the mall, the simple gesture of holding hands in public says so much. You show, not just to each other, but to the world, how much you care about each other. What is sexier than that?
2. Give a back or neck rub. When your partner is under stress, show you care with a gentle back, neck, or shoulder rub. Even though it might just last 15-30 seconds, it can work wonders in expressing your understanding and love.
3. Touch their arm during a conversation. It’s very intimate and loving.
4. Give a hug for no reason. When you’re at home together, it’s such a wonderful feeling when your partner approaches you with their arms out. So, don’t hesitate to give a hug just because you feel like it. It will definitely bring you closer, literally and figuratively.
5. Lean in when they’re talking. Show you’re all ears by leaning toward your lover when they’re talking to you. Eye contact is a “must” when you’re leaning in to show you care.
6. Stand close together when you’re out. If you’re playing pool together, at the local baseball diamond watching your kids play, or standing in a group chat at your neighborhood pub, standing close sends a distinct message: “I want to be close to you.”
7. Place your arm around her shoulders. If you’re outside talking to the neighbors, it’s the sweetest gesture to throw your arm around her shoulders. It will give her a thrill.
There are so many opportunities to use “loving” body language when you’re with your partner.
Give it a try—you’ll like the heat it generates!
Scheduling for special time together just for fun
A loving relationship can be joyful when you plan or schedule times to be together. After all, if you want to show your love for each other, you need to spend time together to do it. Take your partner to a fancy restaurant or special event that is fun and exciting. Create memorable moments like these as often as you can.
Here are some suggestions to spark your creativity:
1. Plan special dates. Let’s say your partner’s birthday is next month. What does he really enjoy? How can you use that theme to set up a special date?
For example, maybe he loves hockey. Surprise him for his birthday by obtaining two tickets to his favorite hockey team’s next game.
2. Schedule ahead for very special occasions. If 6 months from now he’s having his 40th birthday, start now to plan for it. What would he really enjoy doing? A weekend ski trip? A quick trip to Las Vegas?
The key is to start your planning early enough in the process to create a very special occasion for your lover.
You can even let him know you’re brewing up something by stating, “Let’s get our schedules together and block off 3 days during your birthday week. I’m planning a special surprise.” This way, your partner will know something is in the works and he can adequately make room for it in his schedule.
Think of the anticipation he’ll have wondering what you have up your sleeve. Anticipation is an integral aspect of romance, for sure.
3. Create a lovely Valentine’s Day celebration. Because Valentine’s Day is truly a day that celebrates romantic love between two people, plan a loving Valentine’s Day celebration. See these ideas to inspire you:
Take a day off work and go on a day trip you’ve yearned for. Maybe it’s to a new museum that’s 2 hours away, a day at the beach, or a 3-hour car trip to the new gourmet restaurant you heard about in the news.
Focus on showing your love to each other.
If you prefer, plan to spend a day at home together. The kids will likely be in school all day. You can stay in bed extra late, have a lunch you prepare together and then cuddle up for the latest movie out on DVD you’ve both wanted to see. This day at home is about you and nothing else.
If you prefer a more elegant Valentine’s celebration, hire a limo driver to transport you to a neighboring city for a night on the town. Enjoy a romantic dinner followed by some sensual, hot dancing on the dance floor.
4. Take occasional extended trips alone together. The idea of getting away alone together for at least a couple of days is one of the most romantic thoughts you could ever have. Some of your most special moments alone together were probably when you were staying in a hotel or exploring a new place somewhere.
You’ll remember those trips for the rest of your life. Even if money is an issue, try getting away alone together for at least one time a year for a couple of days. Consider it your “romance renewal” plan.
The more fun times you share together, the closer you will become and the deeper your love with be for each other. Do not get caught up in the busy aspect of your daily lives.
Schedule some time to be together each day or each week.
This is a sure way to keep the romance alive forever.
Remember that loving relationships that last a long time will have their share of complications. But there are daily practices you can perform to inflame the romance all the time.
The number one goal in your relationship should be romance.
If you can develop that mindset and follow the advice mentioned in this article, then you will create a great love life for you and your partner.
“Romance is everything.” ~ Gertrude Stein
Recommended Resources For Rebuilding Intimacy in Your Marriage