We can all imagine what it must be like to learn that your beloved spouse has had an affair – or we think we can.
It is not until you happen upon that passionate text message written to your husband or realize that your wife has not really been working late but has been spending evenings at a local hotel with a coworker that you know how you will react.
Learning that your spouse has been intimate with another is a crushing experience. It is not, however, one that you and your marriage cannot survive.
Your spouse has had a sexual relationship with another human being – has been intimate with someone other than you.
Since learning about this cheating, you’ve been seething, stewing in what feels a lot like hate for the spouse you thought you loved.
You can barely keep your contempt to yourself; if you had a magic wand you would wave it and make your cheating spouse disappear. If this sounds at all like you, you need to change course pronto. Resentment will eat you alive.
Are affairs a good thing for a marriage? That depends on which side of the coin you’re on. It certainly is helpful for the cheater who gets all the fun, excitement and their ego stoked, but it is definitely not helpful for the the marriage nor the betrayed spouse who has to deal with all the emotional trauma that follows in the wake of an affair.
I know from firsthand experience that infidelity causes a lot of hurt and pain and can lead to divorce. While there are countless couples whose marriages were devastated by infidelity that went on to build a stronger relationship and a better marriage, it wasn’t because of the affair, but rather all the blood, sweat and tears that is involved in overcoming infidelity.
Is it possible to have your marriage be devastated by an affair and still be able to reconcile with your former wayward spouse?
There are many positive stories of couples who have dealt with or are dealing with infidelity in their marriages, successfully overcome it and went on to rebuild a better relationship, but is it really possible for you to reconcile with your cheating spouse? Or are those couples whose marriages survive an affair just lucky?