After Her Affair: Is She Really Committed? How to Know For Sure

surviving your wife affair

 

It can be very hard to make the decision to move forward in your marriage after your wife’s affair.

This is especially true if you’re not sure whether or not she’s totally committed to making the marriage work or not.

But, there are signs that can help you determine that she’s really ready to move forward in making your marriage work.

She Apologizes Many Times

A wife that is truly sorry for what she’s done will not avoid the topic of the affair and will apologize more than once in both words and actions. If she’s really committed she’ll be able to articulate why she wants forgiveness and wants to stay in the marriage. She’ll both say the words and show you how sorry she is in many ways repeatedly. You’ll be able to tell by the way she says she’s sorry, and by the way she acts when you’re around.

She Avoids Making Excuses

A wife who really wants to make her marriage work will not place blame on you and make unfounded excuses for her affair. She will however, let you know what she needs from you to make the marriage work. However, she will not do it in such a way as to make you feel bad. She will admit that she was in control of her own actions and it was her choice to do what she did and that it was a bad choice that she wants to change.

She Reacts to You in Supportive Ways

A wife who wants to work on her marriage and is truly sorry will do things to help build up your self-esteem, ensuring you that what happened was not your fault. She’ll be supportive even when you are jealous, and bear your anger as long as it’s not abusive. She’ll work with you until you are done with these feelings. She’ll understand that your forgiveness will take some time but that it will come because you are also committed to the marriage.

She Places the Blame Where it Belongs

A wife who is sorry about her indiscretion will place the blame of the affair where it belongs, fully on herself and not on you or others. She won’t blame her childhood, or the man, or you. She’ll take responsibility for herself and her own actions and work to improve in order to avoid the problem in the future.

Many women have affairs due to low self-image, child abuse, or even boredom. This does not make it your fault, but knowing why your wife had the affair can help prevent future issues. Even though it’s not your fault, due to the fact that she is taking responsibly for her own actions, and is willing to explain says a lot about her convictions to work on your marriage.

She Follows Through with Promises

If she says she’s going to the store, she goes to the store. If she promises to get a new job to avoid her lover, she will get a new job. If she makes a promise to be open about her feelings at all times, she’ll start being more open.

You’ll notice a difference immediately. Her personality will be the same, but her openness will be different. She may have been one to hide her feelings or disappointments from you in the past, to avoid hurting you or disappointing you, but now her commitment to making your marriage work allows her to tell you things she would not tell you before.

For instance, a woman who had an affair due to sexual dissatisfaction but who did not inform you prior to her affair will need to help you learn how to please her sexually. Or a woman who had an affair due to loneliness, such as a house wife home with children all day, will let you know that she needs a break, or needs some grown up time to feel less lonely and needy.

She’s on Board with Counseling & Therapy

A woman who is sorry for her affair will not avoid couple’s therapy or individual therapy if it means saving her marriage. She’ll want to do what needs to be done in order to fix the marriage so that you and she can move on happily in your relationship. She’ll accept the long road ahead and work through what needs to be worked through in order to make the marriage work.

You’ll know she’s being honest about her intentions by how therapy affects her. Does she tell the truth during therapy and then follow through with the instructions of the therapist in a way that is constructive and fruitful? If so, there is more than a good chance that your wife is truly committed to your marriage and that the two of you can overcome her affair.

Surviving your wife’s affair can be a difficult journey to travel, but with the right work, and commitment from both of you, it can be done. Being afraid of your wife doing it again is a reasonable response to the affair, but there is no reason statistically to believe she’ll do it again if she’s really sorry and committed to making the marriage work.

If your wife refuses to gloss over the affair, does not make excuses for her actions, and works hard to earn back your trust, you can be confident that she’s not as likely to do it again. You have to remember that about 28 percent of all women cheat and that over half of all marriages that suffer from affairs do move on and craft successful marriages. There is no reason to think that your marriage won’t survive and even thrive after an affair.

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4 thoughts on “After Her Affair: Is She Really Committed? How to Know For Sure

  1. What if this infedility of the wife is due to the recurrent infidelities of the husband !?? In order not to break the marriage she decides to console herself and succumbs to a person who is looking after her and shows her affection . To stop the suffering that her husband is inflicting on her Thru his infedilities !!

  2. Another situation: a couple has crises in relationship – the wife pushes him out of the house and does not want to give him a second chance (turns out later she had a relationship back then which she did not tell about). At the same time she gets pregnant (the child is husband’s 100%) and asks him to move back, which he does. Since then (two years later) yet another child is born. Recently the husband learns 1) about the affai back then, 2) that two years after it was over she was still writing to “him” that she missed him and wanted him; 3) one year after that she again wrote to “him” that she was thinking about him 24 hours a day…The husband knows all this but the wife does not know that she knows. What should the husband do?

  3. Please leave the relationship. Your significant other holds no respect for you and this will do damage to the children in the end. Also steam roll her in the divorce. My EX-wife manipulated me into taking care of her needs and now I literally have a fraction of what I had before ever meeting her. Family court system is corrupt too, only way a MAN can get anything back is to pay thousands of dollars to a private attorney, and even still it’s a gamble under the best of circumstances. I’m a conscientious objector towards violence but my EX-wife managed to manipulate the family courts to allow her full custody of MY two children through filing for a domestic violence restraining order. Please be careful, understand marriage is a sham, and no one absolutely needs and one specific person in the entirety of their life.

  4. Recently found out my wife was having an affair with a co-worker for 4 months. Up until the day I confronted her about it, she was having plans to meet with him again. During these 4 months my wife treated me with disrespect and told me she didn’t love me. Once I found out she was having sex with him I decided to walk away, but she begged for forgiveness and even decided to quit her job to prove it. I’m so torn because I love her and can’t believe she did this to me, but at the same time the thoughts of her being with another man haunts me all day. I don’t know weather to believe her and is being honest about it or is it something she will do again.
    She blames this on lack of judgement and getting lost in the moment. She seems very sincere about regretting what happened and wants to make things better. Shes on birth control and now wants to have another baby just to prove that she means it. What should I do!?

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